In our performance driven world, even as Christian women who love the Lord, often we put aside our joy until we feel we’ve earned the right to have it. Amanda is tired every day. Tired of potty training. Tired of taking little Ethan back and forth to the toilet, especially for false alarms. “It seems like that’s all I do all day long,” says Amanda, “but when I get him potty trained, then I’ll relax and enjoy life again.” Amanda is too focused on her issue to realize it now, but she’s too stressed to be happy.

Debbie is dealing with an entirely different issue. Struggling to balance her career, family and the responsibilities of taking care of her aging mother, her only pleasurable indulgence is her nightly ritual of hot fudge and ice cream. “After everyone’s in bed, it’s the only time I have to completely unwind,” says Debbie. “That’s when I remind myself, it won’t always be like this. Someday, I’ll get my life back.” Debbie feels guilty for being happy for too long. As soon as the ice cream melts, it’s time to get back to reality.

Courtney is goal driven. Propelled by her vision to build her business, she won’t allow herself an opportunity to rest until she reaches her goal. Her determination to build her future leaves no room for distractions. To her, rejuvenation is a time waster. She’s driven by a vision void of joy. “When I reach my goal, then I’ll celebrate big time. But now…it’s time to build.”

So how would you answer this question? When I finally _____________, then I’ll be happy.

It’s a cruel deception. Achieving your goal is not the thing that should bring happiness. It’s the journey and opportunity itself. Let me encourage you. Don't put off your joy! Nehemiah 8:10 says that the joy of the Lord is our strength. How can we accomplish anything without strength? The enemy has twisted the truth. So many of us believe that we don’t deserve to be happy until we reach our goal, but here’s the truth: Joy is not the prize for reaching your goal, it's the power to get there!

So quit saying when I finally whip my marriage, my kids or my body in shape, then I’ll be joyful. Embrace the strength of God and walk in joy today!

Prayer: Dear Lord, I realize how much I’ve deprived myself of the joy I need to live my life. Please forgive me for all the times I’ve tried to do things in my own strength. Help me to receive all your joy and power so I can walk each day in your strength. In Christ’s name. Amen

Want to win a free copy of Chicken Soup's latest release, Messages from Heaven? Simply post a comment below. You can answer the question about what tends to be your "when-then" or simply make any other comment. I'll pick the winner Monday, March 26, 2012. Be sure to include your email address so I can contact you if you are the winner.

Earlier this month John told me he was ditching his plans to write a New Year’s resolution.

I couldn’t believe my ears. My man of no-compromise was bowing out of the game. “What’s up with that?” I asked.

“Resolutions only last a month or so,” he sighed. “What I really need is a New Year’s revelation!”

What a powerful thought.

A few days ago while watching the trailer for the movie, New Year’s Eve, a comment in the middle of the preview stunned him: “A resolution can become a revelation.”

What an awesome validation.

The reality is that 100 percent of people who make resolutions intend to keep them, but the facts are that 80 percent of people who make New Year’s resolutions will eventually break them. Most won’t even make it until the end of January. So how can we make them stick?

Many of us will resolve to lose weight, eat healthier, get out of debt and spend more time with our families. One of my friends resolved last year to go on a man-ban. No dating for an entire year. She lasted two months. She was serious, but she needed more than her own strength. Another friend resolved to lose 30 pounds. Instead, she gave up after she put on ten more. Like so many do, my friends made New Year’s resolutions, but they ultimately gave up. Why do so many break our resolutions? We have the desire, we have the goal and we’ve even written it down, which is supposedly the magical requirement for obtaining our goals. What are we missing?

Listen to what the book of Proverbs says: Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint (Proverbs 29:18 NIV).

The NLT puts it this way: When people do not accept divine guidance, they run wild.

The NASB says this: Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained.

Whether it’s the lack of revelation, divine guidance or vision, here’s the bottom line: In order to achieve a human goal, we need divine direction.

When temptation taunts our own ideas, temptation usually wins. When a vision is God’s idea, however, the revelation empowers us to maintain our focus.

When John and I started dating, we knew nothing about God’s plan for relationships. By the time he had proposed, we were buried in the standards of the world. I knew we weren’t supposed to be sleeping together, but my resolve wasn’t strong enough to overcome the temptation. After all, everyone else was having sex.

But then I had a revelation.

One day the Lord spoke firmly to me. “Christy, I have a gift to give you and John, but the only way you can receive it is through abstinence.”

All of my life, I had heard the “no-sex-until-marriage” rule. But that’s all it was—a rule. A “should not”. A mustn’t. But for the first time, God was adding revelation, divine guidance and vision to strengthen my resolve. And best of all, there was a prize for compliance. I had never heard that before. All of a sudden my human efforts had reinforcements! I had never felt so empowered to practice restraint. Previously, my own willpower had always failed. But with the revelation of heaven, the last eight months of our courtship were spent building and strengthening our spiritual and emotional relationship, not our physical relationship. I wanted that prize!

On January 1, 1999, we got the gift. Now 13 years later, that same revelation continues to empower our resolve. Even though we can have all the sex we want now, the strength we gained from exercising restraint during our courtship strengthened our resolve to follow God’s standards when other types of challenges came after we got married. Just because we’re married doesn’t mean we no longer need to abstain from temptation. It’s just that the temptations are different. After marriage, we need to abstain from the temptation to criticize, blame, argue and take offense.

So what about you? What do you need a revelation for? What things do you hope to achieve this year? As you begin reflecting on your plans for 2012, let me encourage you to pray about them and write them down, but most importantly—ask the Lord for a revelation to strengthen your will power. A resolution that sticks is one that adds divine vision to human strength. Don’t be one of the 80 percent that give up before the month’s end. If you keep the vision of heaven, you will succeed!

Be strong and very courageous...Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful (Joshua 1:6a,7).

If someone could look inside your mind, what would they find? Would they find a storehouse of healthy thoughts and sane imaginations from God, the Dream Maker? Or would they find your mind consumed with vain imaginations from Satan, the Dream Taker?
Psychologists say that we think 60,000 words per day and 98% of them are repeat offenders. We spend the majority of our thought life thinking about the same thing over and over and over. No wonder it’s important to cast out vain imaginations. When our mind is on auto pilot it’s even harder to take notice of unhealthy thoughts. If your mind is full of habitual thoughts, how do you tell the difference between sane imaginations and vain imaginations?

One of the easiest ways you can tell the difference between sane and vain imaginations is to take a step back and examine how your thoughts and imaginations make you feel. Take notice if your thoughts make you feel:

• Anxious
• Discouraged
• Ashamed
• Depressed
• Inadequate
• Guilty
• Prideful
• Fearful
• Confused

Negative emotions are good indicators that your thoughts are not from God. If your imaginations are filling you with hope for the future, encouragement or motivation to go further in life, chances are your imaginations are surrendered to the obedience of Christ.

Positive emotions are good indicators that your thoughts are from God, however, just because a thought makes you feel good does not mean it is a righteous imagination. Any thought that makes you feel good, fills you with hope and produces the fruit of confidence, but does not honor scripture is a vain imagination.

For example, you meet someone on Match.com or E-Harmony. Before you know much about him, you allow your mind to fill in the blanks. Soon your mind is obsessed with romantic thoughts at the anticipation of a relationship. The imagination makes you feel good and fills you with hope and confidence, but until you know whether or not this man has character and integrity, your hope and confidence are based on assumptions. They are merely based on a weak platform of illusion.

Another way to tell the difference between vain and sane imaginations is to judge the fruit of your dreams. What is your imagination producing? Any farmer will tell you that a tree is known by the fruit it produces. The Bible agrees. So what is your imagination producing? Do the things you imagine fuel your purpose? Do they line up with scripture? These are great clues to help you discover the origin of your imagination.

Give your imaginations the Philippians 4:8 test. Measure your thoughts against this standard: Are your thoughts:

• True
• Noble
• Right
• Pure
• Lovely
• Admirable
• Excellent
• Praiseworthy

If your thoughts meet the test—think on such things! Strengthening your imagination begins by getting in alignment with God’s vision and keeping your focus on that vision. Take notice of your thoughts and cast out the ones that don’t belong.

Listen to entire session:
How to Develop a Godly Imagination

Do you have scriptures you don’t like? I have one. I’ve previously written about my aversion to what I call my boomerang verse. No matter how many times I try to ignore it, it keeps coming back: Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 37:10).

     This scripture has guilt inducing properties for two reasons. First, I’m a borderline hypo-maniac and it goes against my nature to be still. But the main reason I never bonded with this verse is because I had several misconceptions about what it means to be still. I used to think prayer was only a silent activity—a moment of quiet reflection. I conjured up images of humming monks or prostrate priests. To me, those were the spiritual standards I measured my prayer performance against. The truth is, often my mind wandered during prayer or worse yet, I fell asleep. How could I be an effective Christian and flunk prayer?

     To this day I still don’t do “still” very well, but it was a great awakening when I recognized the false beliefs I had about being still. In Psalm 46:10, being still is only half of the commandment contained in this scripture. The other half of the verse is to “know”. In other words, the instruction to “be still” and “know” are a couple. You can’t divide this scripture and only do the being still part.

     To know comes from the Hebrew word yada`, which means to perceive and see, to find out and discern, to discriminate and distinguish. It also means to know by experience. Here’s the bottom line: We can’t get to the “know” if we haven’t first been still. Bear with me for one more definition. I think you will find it enlightening. Psalm 27:14 says, “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart (NKJV).”  In this verse, wait comes from the Hebrew word, qavah, which means to look for, to hope and expect.

     So here’s the deal. When you’re expecting a baby, you prepare for that baby. You purchase baby clothes, furniture, decorate the room and most importantly pick out a name. You know the baby is coming, so you don’t just sit around and wait for labor pains. While you are waiting, you are also preparing because you expect the baby to come. If all you’re doing is chilling and hanging out, when the birth comes you won’t be prepared.

     Joseph’s story in the book of Genesis illustrates this point well. Joseph had two dreams when he was 17 years old. Shortly after, his dreams seem shattered when his brothers plotted his disappearance.  But Joseph held onto his dream. Even in the face of seemingly impossible circumstances, he didn’t give up. His dream fueled his ability to endure extreme adversity, and while he waited, he allowed God to prepare him.

     In the middle of his funk, the Bible points out a very significant detail: The Lord was with Joseph. While he taken captive as a slave, while he was falsely accused of rape, while he was in prison and forgotten, the Lord was with Joseph. You see, instead of hanging out and doing nothing, Joseph developed at attitude of expectation. In slavery, he was given leadership positions, and even in the bondage of prison he prospered.  

     Here’s the key point I’m trying to make: Years later, when Joseph was given the opportunity to interpret Pharaoh’s dream, he had developed the leadership skills to implement the plan he recommended. It was so brilliant Pharaoh put Joseph in charge of all of Egypt. In one day, Joseph went from prison to the palace. Why? Because he was prepared!

     What if we arrive at the thing or place or season that we are waiting for, but we miss the opportunity to do what we were anticipating because we didn’t prepare while we were waiting? We wouldn’t be ready. Neither would have Joseph. If Joseph would have allowed himself to slack off, he never would have been put in charge when he was in prison. Instead, even in a place of bondage, he allowed God to use him and perfect his leadership skills. He allowed God to prepare him for the destiny he knew would one day come. 

     Joseph was still and he knew. And so can you! Don’t give up on your dream. Allow God to use the hard places of your life to prepare you. Between every dream and destiny is a desert, but if you’re still and know he is God, He will use your desert to prepare you for your destiny.

This week a tragic fire took the lives of three small children in a Del City RV fire. Little Christopher, Crystal and Kailey were the grandchildren of Crystal Chappell, one of my Whiz Kid’s tutors at Destiny Church. I wasn’t sure what the emotional climate would be like when I arrived at my site today, but Barb Garrett, the coordinator for the Destiny Whiz Kid’s program informed the tutors in her reassuring graceful manner.

“Christopher was an escape artist,” Barb recalled with a smile. “Whenever he was at church, he was always disappearing. Because of him, our children’s ministry implemented a new policy. An adult was required to sit by the door after class began to make sure none of the kids got away. Unfortunately, Christopher wasn’t able to escape this time…”

Or did he?

Christopher’s father worked for a towing company and all of his children were enthralled with the wreckers their father drove. During a prayer vigil held the day after the children died, which was ironically on Christopher’s fifth birthday, a convoy of tow trucks paraded down the street in the their honor. I can only imagine Christopher and his sisters rejoicing in heaven at the greatest birthday party a five-year old ever could have.

It’s tiny glimpses of heaven like this that can bring fresh perspective to our sorrow. The fingerprints of God give evidence of his presence.

I’ve discovered a few fingerprints of God myself. The one I’m going to tell you about was faded. That’s why I didn’t notice it for several months. Some evidence is like that. It’s there all the time, but we don’t see it until we look at it from a different angle.

My son Jake was 33 months old when he died in a car accident, just shy of his third birthday. On his second birthday I had planned a proper party for a two-year old—a Saturday celebration at Chucky Cheese. But since his actual birthday was on a Tuesday, I thought a trip to the playground at McDonalds was in order. So after I picked up my kids from daycare, we headed out for hamburgers. That’s the only reason Jake was wearing a shaggy hand-me-down shirt on his birthday.

Several months after the accident, I was looking through some photo albums. That’s when I noticed this picture of Jake shooting out of the ball crawl.

The plaid baseball shirt used to belong to his older brother, Garrett. The appliqué had fallen off but the evidence was clear. The three was gone. Even on his second birthday, God knew he wouldn’t make it to his third.   

To me, this “fingerprint” was comforting. I know it sounds strange, but it was confirmation that God was involved. He already knew the number of Jake’s days. And if God knew, he stood ready to pass the grace onto me.

Since Jake’s death, I have chosen to focus on the evidence. What’s the alternative? A depression session? Another trip down the trail of tears?

People tell me all the time you never get over the death of a child. For the longest time I struggled with that statement. Did the word of God agree? Would I ever get over Jake’s death or was I doomed to a life of regret?

I’m not sure I’ve completely resolved this question. It may be merely man’s opinion that we can never over such a tragedy. But one truth I do know…

Death changes life forever.

Jake’s death changed my life. Shortly after he died, I knew my purpose had shifted. I quit my job in commercial lending to write. I had to. It was the only way I could survive the loss. Today, his death continues to propel my destiny. Through writing and speaking, I know his story has brought hope to many, but I’m the one who benefits most.

You've turned my mourning into dancing again. You've lifted my sorrows and I can't stay silent. Ron Kenoly

I see the fingerprints of God on other lives too. Fingerprints are unique and not visible without close inspection. The finger prints of God aren’t always obvious either. Like an investigator studies a crime scene to prove who was at the scene, you have to examine the evidence. If you look closely, God’s fingerprints give proof to his presence.  

Thomas Glenn, a Putnam City high school student, was tragically killed by a dump truck in Oklahoma City while he walked home from football practice in August of 2007. My son Garrett was his classmate. We were mortified when we saw the newscast. Immediately, we picked up a couple of his teammates who lived in the neighborhood and rushed over to his family’s home.

His mother, Fay, greeted us as if she was a Stepford wife, programmed to respond in robotic perfection.  She was there, but it wasn’t really her. The football players sat silently on the couch.  All of us were in shock. Not knowing what to say, one of the boys picked up a photo album on the coffee table and started leafing through it.

Photos of Thomas’ life starred back at them.

   

Pointing at a school picture of Thomas, Garrett was the first to break the awkward silence. “Thomas always wore this white suit on picture days,” Garrett announced pointing at a picture of Thomas. “Every year since 4th grade.”

“You’re right!” agreed Caleb. “He always made a big deal about picture day and got all dressed up.”

“That’s interesting, Fay,” I said. “Not many boys willingly wear suits, especially to school. Was that your idea?

“No!” Fay protested. “It was always Thomas' idea. Ever since he was young, he was enamored with his Father’s white suit. He insisted on wearing it, especially on picture day.”

"It was always way too big for him," Garrett joked. “He had to roll up the sleeves and the pants just piled over his shoes.”

“He even wore it to the school dance this year,” said Caleb.

“You’re right,” agreed Garrett. “Hmmm. The funny thing is…this year—it actually fit him!”

…this year it actually fit him.

Those words seared our ears like fingernails on a chalkboard. He wore the white suit every year, but the year it finally fit him, God called him home.

“Fay…this is really none of my business, but you should dress Thomas in his father’s suit for the funeral.”

Faye didn’t say a word, but she disappeared for a moment and returned with the suit.

“Do you think Thomas would like it if everyone wore white to his memorial?” I probed.

Fay nodded.

The next day, the news spread through MySpace: Don’t wear black to the funeral. Wear white.  Fay even wanted me to see if the tuxedo store next to the high school could fit the pallbearers in white tuxedos. When I called, they wanted to help. Tom’s Formal Wear donated all the rentals.

A sea of white engulfed the church the day of the funeral. I think Thomas could see.

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever. Psalm 30:11

Thomas was clothed in joy. He’d been wearing his father’s suit for years, and now he wore his father’s suit to meet his Father.

The fingerprints of God. Not easy to see with the untrained eye, but visible just the same.  

Since Thomas’s death, Fay has spent much time with her new project, Family to Family in Tragedy. “I give t-shirts to families who have lost children,” says Fay. “It’s a small way I can acknowledge their loss and bring hope out of my own tragedy.”

There is great danger in lingering in the darkness of grief. If someone is kept in total darkness for too long, they can lose their hope and vision. This is even true physically. On a tour of Aillwee Cave in Ireland, a tour guide stops his visitors at the deepest point of the cave. Smothered in complete darkness, he then advises the guests. “If one were to stay in total darkness for extended period of time, the brain would start to react by exaggerating sounds. For example, dripping water would begin to sound like conversation. Eventually, the silence would create full blown hallucinations.”

During a vacation to California my family and I visited Alcatraz, the prison off the shore of San Francisco Bay, where we viewed “the hole.” The hole was a completely dark and soundproof dungeon of solitary confinement used for extreme torture. Many inmates experienced hallucinations, became depressed and suicidal and were driven to the edge of psychosis. Even the law prohibited inmates from being isolated for longer than 19 days. If someone is kept in total darkness for too long, they can lose their eyesight.

Likewise, there is great danger is lingering in the darkness of despair. We can lose our spiritual vision and sanity. When darkness threatens our hope and ability to see God, we have to choose to focus on any ray of light and truth we can find.

Who are we to say that someone died too early? Even if we live a century, our lives are but a flash.  The reality is that all of our days are numbered. The truth is that death is as much a part of life as birth. Why not celebrate the lives of those we love instead of mourning our own lives away? As agonizing as tragedy and disease are, God’s mercy prevails. His grace is sufficient. He brings beauty from ashes.

Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. John 12:24

Great purpose can be birthed out of death. In her article, Tragedy Turned into Triumph, Jeanie Hamblen notes the following examples of people helping others after suffering great loss.

John Walsh turned his tragedy into America's Most Wanted after the horrific kidnapping and murder of his six-year-old son. As of January 5, 2011, the program has assisted in the capture of 1,136 criminals. John Walsh frequently ends the program with his trademark slogan, “…and remember, you can make a difference.”

Mothers Against Drunk Driving began after 13-year-old Cari Lightner, was killed by a drunken hit-and-run driver. Candy Lightner redirected her sorrow to create awareness to protect others.

Amber Hagerman’s abduction and murder inspired the formation of the nationally known Amber Alert. According to ABC News’ Emily Friedman, the program is credited with safely locating nearly 500 children.

Death changes us. Will we become bitter or better? The choice is ours.

Jesus’ death on the cross offered hope and eternal life for the entire world. But some still opt out. Each of us choose whether or not we accept his sacrifice. We can either live a life filled with hope, or we can reject his gift and receive eternal punishment.

Any life without hope is eternal punishment. I’ve seen too many women die when they buried their children. They opted out.

Not me.

Sure, Jake’s death left many scars. But I see them differently. Like the scars on Jesus’ hands, my scars are not painful reminders of my past, they are evidence I’ve survived…proof I’ve prevailed.

Years ago, marriage arrangements were supervised, but in our culture it’s common for men and women to jump into relationships and make their own decisions regarding marriage without considering advice from friends and family. As a result, I often receive prayer requests for troubled marriages.  

Marriage is the single most important contract and commitment we will ever make in life. Why enter without the consent and approval of those who know us best? Why risk the most important decision we will ever make to our own intellect?  

Because love is blind. At least according to Shakespeare.  

1 Corinthians 13:4 doesn’t say “love is patient, love is blind,” so I set out to search the scriptures for truths about love’s weaknesses. Is Shakespeare’s slogan grounded in truth or is it merely a romantic notion endorsed to excuse a lack of discernment?

When it came to love, Samson was blind…literally. But not at first. It took awhile for him to go completely blind. His first mistake was discounting the advice of his parents, but ultimately he failed in the marriage department because he was easily manipulated. Physically, Samson was the strongest man alive, and yet, in his soul he was weak and vulnerable. First he marries a Philistine lady, bribes his bride with a riddle in exchange for a new wardrobe, goes on a killing spree and then losses his wife to one of his groomsmen. Can’t blame her. Sounds like Samson needed an Anger Management course.

Next he falls in love with Delilah. From day one she begs him to disclose the secret of his strength. At first, Samson humors her with untruths.  Judges 16:16 says, “she pressed him daily with her words and urged him, that his soul was vexed (annoyed) unto death.” Basically she nagged him until he finally gave in. Her pleas were so persistent that the incredible hulk was defeated by a woman’s persistent words.

Delilah means feeble. Interesting…that’s what Samson became. He lost his self-restraint. He let whatever guard he had over his heart completely evaporate. Consider James 1:14. “Every man is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust and enticed.” 

Enticed comes from the Greek word, exelkō, which means to draw out. It is used as a metaphor to describe how game is lured out of safety by hunters and fishers. Likewise, men and women are lured from the safety of self-restraint by seductive words.

Words are hard to resist, especially in romance. Charm can be deceitful (Proverbs 31:30). We are most vulnerable when we are not surrounded by the safety that a wise counsel of friends provides.   

The old saying, “Love is blind,” really means that our discernment can be easily compromised in romantic relationships, but the way Shakespeare puts it makes it sound romantic. Being blindsided in romance is a dangerous place to be.  

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Have you or someone else been blindsided by love? What caused your discernment to be compromised? At what point would you say Samson’s discernment was compromised?

The other day I wrote about how God knit my heart together with John on January 28, 1998. This single revelation is what has kept us together when times got tough. Before we got married I thought John was perfect. We’ll never argue, I thought. The bliss of love kept me smothered in romantic ignorance…

until we got married.  

It was only a couple of months before we had our first major blowout. We loved each other dearly but neither of us had much experience with effective conflict resolution. My preferred method of resolving disagreements was to attack and blame—a full frontal assault with lethal accusations.  

He preferred to run.  

When John started packing his suitcase anger steamed in me until it spewed out like hot lava. John had gotten too close to Mount St. Christy. How could I trust him again? I seethed.  It wasn’t until the volcanic ash finally cooled down, I remembered the revelation that my soul was knit together with John.  

Conviction washed over me.  

Of course, that wasn’t the last time we got into a disagreement. I love what Pastor Jessie Bufford says about the success of his 35-year marriage: “I’ve never considered divorce,” he boasts. “murder maybe, but not divorce.” 

The divorce rate in America for first marriages is 41 percent and jumps to 60 percent for second marriages and 73 percent for third marriages. Divorce is most common in the first year of marriage. Within 24 months, one in 12 couples is headed for divorce court. Why? When conflict comes, many run. They think they made a mistake, but conflict is a natural part of life.  

I thank God for my marriage mentor. She listened to me vent, but wasn’t afraid of letting me know when I was wrong. “I doesn’t matter who is right or wrong. You are one flesh,” Alicia encouraged. “Proverbs says it’s to a man’s glory to overlook an offense.” 

Eventually, I thought I had “matured” to the point where I was able to “control” my anger. I prided myself on my ability to restrain my temper and sarcasm. The volcano was dormant, but it was still brewing on the inside. Once again Alicia pointed me to the scriptures.  

Proverbs 25:28 says, “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.” 

Now, when repeated offenses and conflict comes, I’ve learned to ask the Lord, “What are you trying to work out in me through this conflict?”  

John and I have been married 11 years now. Marriage is hard work, but the blessing of pressing through the tough spots is worth it. Now when conflicts threaten to erupt, I run to the Lord with my issues and trust that His revelation can provide the restraint I need. 

He brings peace and wisdom in times of conflict.  

When tempers flare, what revelations, truths or scriptures have helped you walk in peace or overlook an offense or otherwise bring resolution?

 

"Can't make it to Titus 2 today. I'll meet up with you at church," I told John. I didn't think I could contain the emotions that felt like they would burst at any moment. I didn't think I could manage to talk to anyone without unleashing the bucket of tears I was trying to restrain.  

Today is June 13. A normal day.

For most.

But not for me.

I didn’t remember feeling like this the last several June 13ths. But today the gray was overwhelming. I decided to dress in black in honor of Jake and my dad.  

"When is it going to happen, Lord? It's been 12 years now. I’ve shared my story to many women, but when is this dream of testifying to the multitude going to happen? Why did you put the burden of this vision on me? I'm getting weary of the wait."

I wonder how Joseph felt when God gave him a dream and then immediately shattered all odds of that dream ever coming to pass. I wonder how Joseph felt when he correctly interpreted the dreams of his prison pals. I wonder how he felt when the cupbearer was released from prison, and then completely forgot about him. I imagine Joseph must have wondered, "Lord, you gave me the ability to interpret dreams, but what about mine? Why did you even give me this dream in the first place?"

I feel like Joseph.

Often. 

I glanced at the fuchsia flower pin hanging on my jewelry board. I didn’t even know the name of the lady who gave it to me. "I love your flower," I told her as our eyes met Wednesday evening at church. She reached for the pin. "I've only worn it one other time. Here," she said. “It’s for you.” 

I clipped it on my dress and left for church.  

He loves me, oh how He loves me.

The words of the chorus rang in my ears.

I don't have time to maintain these regrets...when I think about how He loves me.

I caught a glimpse of the diamond in the middle of my flower.

Maintaining regrets. Me? How could I? I squeezed John’s hand and smiled. As the words soaked into my spirit, I shifted my attitude. His glory shines against my sorrow like a diamond in a black velvet box.

Today is going to be a beautiful day!

When God Shows Up

Both my son Jake and my father passed away on June 13, eight years apart. I had no party planned for such a celebration, but God had something special in mind. A bunch of Garrett's friends piled in the car after church to come over and hang out. On the way home Jenny asked me, "Miss Christy, do you mind if we make cookies again?" I couldn't contain my tears. She didn't know what day it was. All I could think was how sweet of God to surround me with joy and bring a party of kids to cebrate my dad and Jake's homecoming. 

After the cookie feast, they all gathered in the living room and Luke grabbed his guitar. I asked him if he knew "Oh How He Loves Us". When he started playing, I said, "Stop! I want this on my ipod." Now you can join in the celebration. You gotta hear Luke's voice! He's anoited! 

Click here to listen... Luke Oh How He Loves Us.mp3

What about you? When longsuffering, despair or regret threaten your peace, how do you get back on track?

My last post was about bitterness and how important it is to guard our heart. Today, I want to give you a real life example about how I first learned to guard my heart. If you'd rather call it boundaries, that's fine, too, but scripture is clear: It's our duty to put ourselves in a position where we're not vulnerable to bitterness.

It's been said we shouldn't air our dirty laundry in public, but if someone else can benefit from my exposé, I have to say it's worth it. So, here goes.

When I was married to my first husband, it wasn’t long before I realized he wasn't house trained. Any of you know what I mean? I don’t think my man had ever seen a laundry basket in his life. He left his socks and underwear everywhere.  Like a trail of breadcrumbs, they left a pile of evidence everywhere he’d been.

I knew there was no way I was going to get him to pick it up. Believe me I tried and the issue was making me angry. Sometimes it's the little things that bother us the most. They have a way of wearing us down. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart for out of it flow the issues of life.” For me, when I first learned how to put a guard on my heart, I had to start with these smaller issues. I knew I'd never be able to deal with significant issues until I could learn how to overlook small offenses.

So here was my dilemna: My expectations were causing me bitterness. How could I communicate a boundary that would put a guard on my heart without requiring him to change?

Here's what happened. One day, I told him nicely. I told him respectfully. “I can’t make you pick up your underwear, but I can change my response to this situation. So here’s what I’m going to do.” (This is the first step of guarding your heart—communicating a change, expressing it verbally, and making your needs known.)  I told him, “If you don’t pick up your underwear, I’m still going to pick it up because I don’t like seeing it on the floor, but from now on, whatever you leave on the floor, I’m putting in this special basket, not in the laundry basket. I’ll be happy to do your laundry, as long as you put it in the laundry basket, but I won’t wash whatever ends up in the special basket.” 

Guess what? He didn’t change his habits one bit. Still left trails of evidence everywhere. But, I was no longer angry! There was a huge difference in my peace. Why? Because I had put a guard on my heart. I finally realized I was the only one I could change and I was getting set free. In the meantime, my ex-husband wore underwear he hadn’t seen in years.  And eventually…

He did a load of laundry.

Unmet expectations are a set up for bitterness. The key to putting a guard on our heart involves releasing others from our expectations to change. We are the only ones we can change!

Now it's your turn! I'd love to hear your examples about how you've learned how to set boundaries and put a guard on your heart.

Did you know bitterness is a poison? Bitterness not only affects our emotions, but left untreated, the toxins produced by bitterness eventually seep into our body as well. Resentment can cause all kinds of physical ailments.

In her book, Who Switched Off My Brain? Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions, Dr. Carolyn Leaf reports, “A massive body of research shows that up to 80% of physical, emotional, and mental health issues today could be a direct result of our thought lives. Resentment, bitterness, lack of forgiveness and self-hatred are just a few of the toxic thoughts and emotions that can also trigger immune system disorders.”

The grasp of bitterness is deceptive. Have you ever hung onto a grudge because you wanted to punish the other person only to notice that you were the only one who suffered? If so, maybe you can relate to the expression, “Bitterness is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die.”

Even when we know how destructive bitterness can be, it is difficult to release because it goes against our sin nature. We want to be in charge. We want to dole out the consequences. But no matter how much we want vengeance, Deuteronomy 29:18 warns us: Make sure there is no root among you that produces such bitter poison.

Just like the habit of hanging onto resentment, releasing forgiveness is a decision and reaction. It’s a choice. And the more we practice forgiveness, the easier it gets to tear down the walls of bitterness. Here are my 4 secret weapons I use to prevent bitterness.

1.    Trust God

Before forgiveness can come out of us, it has to be birthed inside of us through a relationship of trust. Forgiveness is a quality we develop before an offense arises. Forgiveness is actually more proactive than reactive. Let me explain it by using electricity as an example.  

If I install electrical wiring in my house and wire a lamp to the ceiling, when I need light, all I do is flip the light switch and suddenly, there is light. But if I never took the time to install electrical wiring and a fixture, nothing would happen when I flip the switch. I could flip the switch all day long and remain in the dark. In order for forgiveness to be a reactive habit or reflex, just like electrical wiring, wiring and fixtures need to be installed. I needed to have a relationship of trust installed into my soul before I can forgive.

So how do we get this kind of “forgiveness wiring”? A person with a willingness to forgive releases control of the situation and surrenders the situation to God by saying, God I trust that you will work this situation out. I trust that you can handle the outcome. A person who is unwilling to forgive thinks thoughts like, I want to handle the punishment. I want to control the outcome. I think my wrath is necessary.

2.   Eliminate Expectations

Four words sums up this principle: Get rid of them! Expectations are a set up for bitterness. Each time our expectations are not met, disappointment sets in, and when disappointment gets rooted in our soul, the climate for bitterness is ripe.

Ultimately, the only person we can change is ourselves. Expecting others to perform according to our standards not only puts us in the judgment seat, it also makes us vulnerable to bitterness. We can spend our lives trying to change others, but the only person we can change is ourselves.

3.   Guard your heart

I have a scripture that is my secret weapon to walking in peace and staying free of bitterness. If you implement this one scripture I can almost guarantee that you will eliminate at least half of the issues you ever deal with.

Proverbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart for out of it flow the issues of life.” The Bible refers to the process of setting boundaries as putting a guard on our heart. This is one of the best boundaries verse in the Bible and I hope that you noticed who is responsible for putting the guard in place—we are!

Guarding our heart is like buying an insurance policy against bitterness because when we guard our heart, we help protect ourselves against toxic emotions. Guarding our heart and learning how to set boundaries can help us avoid the trap of bitterness more than any other anger management technique.

Identify areas in your life that trigger your anger and then put guards in place to protect those areas. Be cautious around people who trigger your anger. Avoid them if possible. Anger in itself is not a sin, but unresolved anger that turns into bitterness is a sin.

Guarding my heart put me in a position where I could trust God because I wasn’t constantly bombarded with bitterness. Before I understood this scripture, I was a “yes” woman. I thought saying “yes” to everything was the spiritual thing to do, so I did everything everyone wanted me to do, even when it made me angry. It took a long time before I figured out that if something makes me angry, I had no business doing it if it caused me to end up dealing with the resulting sin of bitterness. I had to learn to say “no” to guard my heart.

4.   Take the grace

2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace is sufficient for you.” But here’s the catch: He gives us the grace to endure and the strength to overcome when we need it, not before. I can’t tell you how many people have told me, “I don’t think I could ever forgive someone for being responsible for the death of one of my children. Well, here’s the deal. Unless, it happens to you—you’re right. You can’t. God doesn’t distribute his grace until the moment of need. He doesn’t give it out early. He gives it out when we need it. The grace for your situation will be different that the grace I need for my situation.

Grace is like anesthesia. How many of you would ever get anesthesia if you were not having surgery? None of you! Only those scheduled for surgery get anesthesia. Anesthesia gives us the natural tolerance to endure physical pain. Grace gives us the supernatural tolerance to endure soul pain.

An anesthesiologist stays by you during the entire operation and watches over you to modify the anesthesia if your tolerance to pain diminishes. In the same way, God watches over you to make sure the pain is not more than what you can bear (1 Cor 10:13).

Still, many people want to be strong by themselves and think they can make it without God’s grace. But if our strength doesn’t come from the Lord, it will not sustain us through our pain. So don’t forsake His strength. Take the grace!

“And now I'm going to tell you who you are, really are. You are Peter, a rock” (Matt 16:17 Message).

Alan didn’t know his father would die from a heart attack at age 39. If he had, maybe he would have bit his tongue.

“I hate you!” he declared one day in anger. The words slipped out of his mouth faster than a spit wad out of a straw. Unfortunately, they were the last words he ever spoke to his father. 

The angry outburst would haunt Alan for years. Tormented by the anguish he feared would never be resolved, Alan spent many nights trying to swathe his sorrow.

Final dialogues are often echoes in our mind. They ricochet back and forth while an invisible amplifier magnifies their volume. Imagine Jesus’ last words to Peter. “Before the cock crows twice, you will deny me three times.”

“Never!” declared Peter. And yet, later, when he heard the rooster’s crows, the sting of this unimaginable prediction pierced Peter.

The word “deny” comes from the Greek word, aparneomai, which means to affirm that one has no acquaintance or connection with someone. Like a divine annulment, Peter was saying the love he felt for Christ never existed. And he didn’t just simply state he didn’t know Christ; Peter added some colorful dialogue that Matthew edited out of his gospel. In his manner-of-fact tone, Matthew writes, Then began he to curse and to swear, [saying], I know not the man. And as soon as the dreadful words rolled off his tongue, Matthew records with the precision of a dramatic Hollywood screenplay: Immediately the cock crew (Matt 26:74 KJV).

Yes, Peter the apostle was a wimpy coward and yet, just ten chapters earlier, Christ said this to him: “God himself, let you in on this secret of who I really am. And now I'm going to tell you who you are, really are. You are Peter, a rock (Matt 16:17 Message).

It’s hard to imagine, but here was a man whom Jesus said was so rock solid that he would build his church on the strength of his soul, and nonetheless the same man was capable of denying and cursing his savior. And now, from across the courtyard Peter’s shame-filled eyes met the eyes of Christ.  And with the guilt of a murder suspect caught with a blood on his hands, the rock-solid disciple ran away.

Peter’s final words to someone he loved—an angry outburst.

A regretted curse.

A grave mistake.

In a way, seeing Peter’s faults offers me hope. It makes me realize just how imperfect the disciples were. They weren’t superhuman heroes. The men Jesus picked to be his closest companions were normal men—men who make mistakes, men who were prone to failure, and men who cowered under the pressure of fear. Men, and women, just like us.

Thankfully, for every time we fail, His mercy prevails. After his resurrection, Jesus asked Peter three times, “Peter, do you love me?” He didn’t just ask him once. Jesus wanted to clear the slate. For each of the three times Peter denied knowing him, Jesus gave Peter three opportunities to make it right.   

What about you? Have you ever cursed God or hurled angry words at someone you love?

I hate you!

You can’t do anything right!

I want a divorce!

No matter how grave our mistakes, Jesus longs to remove the burden of our guilt. Christ saw Peter’s future with telepathic vision. Looking past his denial, he saw the intended result of Peter’s life, when the Christian coward would morph into a solid-rock guardian of truth.

Christ sees your future, too. He sees past your riveting regrets and grave mistakes. Will you let him reconcile your failures? Just like Peter, His grace makes your future rock solid.

Prayer: Jesus, I am so thankful that you chose someone like me, despite my failures. You are so loving and kind. You call forth character in me before I’m even capable. You love me when I do the right thing and even when I fail. Thank you for loving me and for extending your grace to cover my sins. Through your strength and mercy, I can be a solid rock. Amen.

Scriptures to Ponder:

• Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24).
• For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me (Psalm 51:3).
• When we were overwhelmed by sins, you forgave our transgressions (Psalms 65:3).
• For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10).

Questions to Ponder:

1. Have you ever walked in denial? Denial is human nature. Read Matthew 16:20 above. According to this scripture, how must we shift our denial in order to walk with Christ?
2. Have you ever imagined that the disciples were perfect? How does it make you feel to realize that the disciples were people just like us, who sinned and made mistakes?  
3. Read the scriptures from Psalms above. When you are overwhelmed by your failures, how can you find comfort?
4. Whatever we focus on is magnified. If we focus on our failures, even after we’ve been forgiven, we often get stuck in despair. If we focus on our future, we are filled with hope. Which is your tendency and why?
5. Read Ephesians 2:10 above. When Christ called Peter a rock, he already knew Peter would deny him. What failures is Christ overlooking in your life? How do you think Christ can use your failures to transform your future?

It is for freedom that Christ set you free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourself be burdened again with the yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1).

 

“Hey, Mom! D’ya miss me?” Garrett said as he swung open the door and dropped his bags on the floor. 

“Of course I did! Did you miss me?” I asked my lanky seventeen-year-old wearing the same clothes he left home in.

“Yes, Mommy,” grinned Garrett. “Give me a hug.”

The kids at our church had just returned from a two-day youth conference in Arkansas. I wondered how much of the gospel Garrett would absorb after a three-hour tour on a bus loaded with 50 teenagers and enough sugar to feed the multitude. “Tell me about the conference,” I said as I motioned Garrett to sit down.

“The speaker was really funny,” Garrett began. “He started out by introducing himself as a mannequin. Before he came onstage, all you saw was this mannequin dressed like him, wearing a t-shirt with refrigerator magnets on it that spelled, I have issues.

“Yeah…don’t we all?”

“Then offstage we heard this voice speak for the mannequin, “Sorry, guys. I’m a little stiff today. It’s hard to move. Apparently…I’m allergic to Botox.”

 “That’s funny,” I said. “I may have to use that someday.” It doesn’t get more spiritual than that, I thought. This is what I sent my son to a conference for?

“He talked a lot about the issues youth deal with, but when he was finishing, he took the magnet letters on the mannequin’s t-shirt and changed them around. He said we can’t be free until we remove our flesh from our issues.”

“That’s so true.”

“So, he took the two i’s out of the words on the mannequin’s shirt. And then he changed the remaining letters to spell He saves us.

Garrett saw my face was still processing the visual.

“Get it, Mom…The i’s represent our flesh. When he took those out, I have issues changed into He saves us.”

“Oh, that’s awesome.”

“It was pretty cool. He also talked about how God can’t use us until we remove the i out of other issues like sin, pride and idolatry.”

Issues…As if I needed another reminder! God had been dealing with me all week about some of my own stubborn inclinations. Who knew that my son would come home from a youth trip and initiate a review?

I had been reading in Exodus about how God delivered the Israelites from the bondage of the Egyptians. After they crossed the Red Sea, God urged them, “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:2-3). Over and over in scripture, God warned his people about returning to captivity.

God is still warning me today about returning to my own Egypts. He knows how easy it is to go back to bondage even after I’ve been set free. It seems as soon as I surrender an issue or idol to God, the familiarity and false comfort taunts my chance at freedom and beckons me back, and my stubborn feet want to retrace the worn path back to captivity.

In Hebrew, Egypt means “double straits.” (Sounds more like double trouble to me.) The root to this name means “pressed in.” In the physical sense, a strait is a narrow pass or passage, a tight squeeze. Figuratively, a strait is a place of great distress, oppression, anguish and difficulty.

Have you ever been in an Egypt—a deep valley with steep sides where the walls press in, a place where the enemy surrounds you and it feels like there’s no escape? Often when we’re trapped, we think God has abandoned us, but consider this: Sometimes, what we think is an ambush is a divine design. God wants to be our only hope! Why do I think so? It’s a Biblical pattern. He did it with Gideon in his fight against the Midianites (Judges 7), He did it with Joshua at the battle of Jericho (Joshua 6), and He did it with the Israelites.

When the Israelites left Egypt, God didn’t lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was the shorter more obvious route. He was afraid if they faced war or difficulties, they would turn back (Exodus 13:17-18). Once they were out of harm’s way, however, the plan switched and God changed their route. He made them turn back and redirected them so their enemy would think they were wandering around in confusion and were hemmed in by the desert. The trouble was, the Israelites thought the same thing.

I think God still uses the same plan to help us escape our own bondages. At first, He takes us along the peaceful route where the absence of conflict gives us courage to continue. But He knows: In order to gain our freedom, we have to go through the strait places, not around them.

That’s when God reroutes us. He wants to be our “pillar of cloud” to direct our days; He wants to be our “pillar of fire” at night (Exodus 13:21). He wants to be the only option for deliverance, so He takes us along a path where even we may think we are wandering around in confusion and hemmed in by our own deserts. That’s exactly where God wants us—in a place where we are trapped with no choice but to trust Him. 

But here’s the deal: When things look the worst, our deliverance is the closest.  

This is when we have to focus on His faithfulness. When we’re cornered by adversity, it’s so tempting to go back to our Egypts, but God wants to save us. When our freedom is just around the bend, we often feel more hopeless than ever, but just like He did for Gideon, Joshua and the nation of Israel, He has come to rescue us and set us free.

I admit, I still struggle with issues. As long as I live in this earth suit, I’ll have to surrender myself to Christ daily. But the mannequin at the youth conference is right. When we submit every trace of our flesh to Him, He takes our issues and removes our I’s. He is the message changer. He takes our I-have-issues and gives us a proclamation of hope:

HE SAVES US!

 

Prayer: May we always look to You for our deliverance and freedom. When we are strangled by the issues of life and feel like there is no hope, let us look to You for our hope. You are faithful to save us and when You do, may Your name be glorified in our lives to give others hope for their own freedom! In Christ’s name, I pray. Amen.

 

Scriptures to Ponder:

• Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again (Exodus 13:14).
• A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save (Psalm 33:17).
• It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1).
• I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts (Psalm 119:45).

Questions to Ponder:

• Read Exodus 13:14 above. What “Egyptians” or difficult issues have you dealt with in your own life? What strait places did you have to go through to get to your freedom?

• Psalm 33:17 says that sometimes we trust in things to save us. What have you used to try to save you before you looked to God?
• There are many cities in Egypt. Some are suitable for day trips and others deceive us into prolonged captivity. With the lure of a luxurious escape to a vacation destination, we often visit the cities of Bitterness, Revenge, Pride, Jealousy, Sexual Impurity, Entitlement, Arrogance, Abortion, Criticism, Hatred, Divorce, Addiction, Rage, Slander and others. What cities have been the most difficult for you to escape? 
• How do stories of great deliverance in the Bible give you hope for your own deliverance?
• After you’ve been set free, have you ever returned to a former bondage (Gal 5:1)? If so, how can you prevent that yoke of slavery from returning again? If you have not returned,  how can you encourage someone else to walk in continued freedom?

Praise the Lord, o my soul, and forget not all his benefits- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion (Psalm 103:2-4).

 

When my first marriage ended in divorce, I thought the shame of dealing with drug addiction was a thing of the past. I never dreamed it would come back to haunt me.

 

     My daughter Brittany was always so quiet and responsible, but after she graduated from high school things changed. My timid freckle-faced artist morphed into a loud and obnoxious druggie. I hated it when my friends asked how Brittany was doing. What was I supposed to say—she’s smoking crack and popping pills? Instead, I skirted the issue by giving vague details like, “She’s working at Quiznos,” or “She just got her own apartment.”

 

     Of all people, she should know better—the first ten years of her life were filled with chaos due to her father’s drug habit. Even so, I couldn’t help but blame myself. I raised her in church, and even taught Bible studies and served in leadership. Now that Brittany was challenging my “train-up-a-child-promise” I felt I had messed up somewhere.

 

     I envied my friends and couldn’t help but compare myself to them. Their daughters were still active in church, going to college, and getting married. What had I done wrong? Internal critiques harassed me daily but like a belt that was one notch too tight, I stuffed the shame.

    

     After graduation, John and I wanted her to continue living at home so she could attend a local college, but Brit couldn’t wait to move out. She thought our rules were too restrictive. Her only trips home were to catch up on laundry. When I asked about her classes, she got defensive. Then during her second semester she announced, “I’m not going back. I’m flunking most of my classes anyway.”

 

     I had suspicions earlier, but now it was hard to deny. Her constricted pupils and personality changes were all too familiar. I offered counseling for her, but she refused and met every confrontation with bitter scorn—until the phone call I got after she was picked up for drug possession.

 

     “Mom, I’m in jail. Can you bail me out?”

 

     Her request was as casual as if she were asking to borrow a pair of jeans. She seemed to delight in the shock value of her behavior.

 

     How could she make choices like this? Especially after what drugs have done to our family?

 

     By the time bail was arranged, Brittany was transferred to the county jail. When I arrived the next morning, she skipped to the car like I was picking her up from kindergarten. “Jail wasn’t so bad,” she boasted. “I even made some friends.”

 

     I fumed inside. I shouldn’t have bailed her out! She needs to learn a lesson.

 

     “Oh, and guess who transported me last night from the Warr Acres jail to county?”

     

     I shrugged.

 

     “Pastor Michael.”

 

     “Really?”

 

     Officer Anderson was on staff at our church for years. Of course, we still referred to him as Pastor Michael even though he now served on the Warr Acres police force.

 

     “Yeah, I got the mini sermon-slash-lecture on the way, but hey, what else could I expect?”

 

     I mused at the Lord’s providence. Of all the officers in the city, the Holy Spirit hand picked a divine escort, someone who happened to know Brittany and the Word of God. Brittany may have been the only person in Pastor Michael’s “mobile congregation” that day, but he delivered a sermon just the same. 

 

     “Brittany,” I said, “remember Psalm 139? Don’t you know there’s nowhere you can go that God can’t find you?”

 

     Brit just rolled her eyes.  

 

     Brittany’s freedom came with a huge price after her drug bust: court costs, attorney fees and drug tests. I hated to see her endure so much but I prayed that she would learn from her mistakes and want to come back home. As difficult as her circumstances were, however, she loved freedom more than she hated depravation. Her apparent “avoid-home-at-all-costs” policy only intensified my feelings of failure. I kept hoping she would want to come back home. 

 

     One fall day while cooking dinner, I got a call from an unfamiliar number. “Hi Mom, it’s Brit. Just wanted to let you know where I’m staying. I met a great new friend. Her name is Brittany too.”

 

     Her friend still lived at home with her parents. Tears smudged my recipe. Why would she prefer to live with another family rather than her own? I didn’t even feel like cooking. It wasn’t the same without Brittany at home.  

    

     God, please, send Your Word to her. Send someone to her that will encourage her with Your truth. I quoted scripture: “The seed of the righteous shall be delivered (Proverbs 11:21) and “No weapon formed against her shall prosper” (Isaiah 54:17).

 

     For several months, Brittany remained unemployed and stayed with her friend. I pleaded with the Lord.  Please don’t let them continue to enable her. God heard my prayer.

 

     Just before the spring semester of college, her friend’s mother laid down the law. She worked for an attorney and required her own children, as well as Brittany, to sign a “Family Life Contract.” The contract listed behavior required in exchange for free room and board. One requirement was full-time college attendance. When Brittany told me about the contract, I couldn’t help but laugh inside. After all, she collided right back into the very thing she was running from-rules. Along with these new boundaries, however, her friend’s mother also exercised compassion. She convinced the attorney she worked for to represent Brittany pro-bono on her drug charges.

 

     I marveled at God’s answer my prayers. He sent influence and provision to Brittany even though she no longer lived at home.  And at least this time, Brittany couldn’t get angry at me for making the rules.

 

     Now that constant expectations weren’t coming from me, gradually our relationship began to improve. I prayed earnestly for Brittany, but for longer than I’d like to admit, God seemed more concerned about working patience and forgiveness in me. Finally another answer to prayer came: During her stay, Brittany recommitted her life to the Lord.

 

     We still don’t see eye-to-eye on everything, but through the changes God has made in me, I’m able to trust that He will finish the work He began in her. At least now we’re able to enjoy each other’s company again. On Saturday mornings we grab a cup of coffee and hunt down vintage items at local estate sales. Most of all, I enjoy her pesky sense of humor. No one can make me laugh like Brittany.

 

     Her life still has ups and downs. After a recent DUI, I fell on my knees again and sobbed. She knows better. How can she be so rebellious?

 

     I felt the Lord speak to my spirit. “If Brittany walked in obedience, would you take the credit?”

 

     “Well, yes,” I stammered. “I trained her up with the Word.”

 

     “Then you would be full of pride."

 

     "What do you mean?"

 

     "You would be taking credit for your daughter’s decisions. She has her own free will to make choices. I was the perfect parent and my children rebelled. That doesn’t make me any less righteous."

 

     I had to admit. I had never thought about that before. God is perfection and how often had I rebelled? Even with my comparison and judgement. 

 

     "The best thing you can do for Brittany is to walk in forgiveness and be there for her when she is ready—ready to listen.”

 

     A recess bell rang from the school down the street and startled me. I'm sure I'd heard it a hundred times before but for some reason, it was louder today. Maybe that's how Brittany will be. Someday, she'll hear the message loud and clear. I just have to wait until she's ready.

 

     I’ve since learned the best way to influence my daughter is to let my own life speak. Beth Moore once said, “All we can do is live a life so appealing that they become jealous for our freedom.” I believe Brittany will eventually come back to the place where she wants my advice. But for now, I’m trusting that the Lord will send people to her that she will listen to. And so far, He’s doing a pretty good job.

 

     Today when my friends ask how Brittany is doing I no longer lower my head in shame. My children are not a badge of honor. They are human too, and like some of us, sometimes they have to hit bottom before they’re willing to look up. So I’ve come up with a catch phrase to speak the truth in faith. Now when my friends ask how Brittany is doing, I simply say, “She’s on her way down to the top.”

 

     Yes…the top—

 

     that’s her destiny!

 

Prayer:  Father, I praise you and thank you that You love our children even more than we do. Please watch over them and even when they fall, lead them back to Your truth. I pray You would send people to minister love to them, that deceit and darkness would not overcome them, and that addiction and promiscuity will be far removed from their culture. May Your spirit hover over our children until they are firmly established in You. In Christ’s name I pray. Amen.

 

Scriptures to Ponder:

• Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? (Psalm 139:7).
• Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).
• A man finds joy in giving an apt reply— and how good is a timely word! (Proverbs 15:23).
• In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you," says the Lord your Redeemer (Isaiah 54:8).
• I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them (Hosea 11:4).

 

Questions to Ponder:

1. Read Psalm 139:7 above. When you think your children are running from God, how does this scripture encourage you?
2. Has God ever used someone else’s rebellion to work forgiveness and patience in you? How can applying 1 Peter 4:8 help someone turn from sin and repent?
3. The right words at the wrong time are still the wrong words. Have you ever spoken a truth in the wrong season? What happened? Was the strength of your witness compromised?
4. When we see our loved ones in the chains and pain of sin, how can we rest in Isaiah 54:8 and Hosea 11:4?

 

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2Cor 10:5).

 

Sobbing, I dialed my Al-Anon sponsor’s number. Between sniffles I told her the horrible things my husband screamed at me. “Why won’t he cherish me?” I wailed.

     “I want you to look up a scripture,” Jennifer said, “2 Corinthians 10:5. I want you to memorize it.”

     I knew better than to argue with Jennifer. Not only did she know the Bible, she lived with a raging alcoholic and, yet she was one of the most content women I knew. I flipped open my Bible and read the verse silently. “You’ll have to interpret this for me,” I sighed, “I have no idea what this means. I just want him to love me.”

     “Christy, you’ve got this backwards. If you want him to cherish you, you have to cherish you. The way others see you is a reflection of how you see yourself. If you want others to see you differently, you have to see yourself differently.”

     In my teens, I suffered from tremendous insecurity. Now that I was an adult in an abusive marriage, things were far worse. The opinions of others dictated what I did and what I said. Too afraid of rejection to be my own self, I bended and blended—a chameleon cloned by the crowd. 

     Not everybody can fade into the background. What if, despite everything you try, you just stand too far out to fit in? In the recently-released film, Precious, an illiterate and overweight African-American teen in Harlem suffers from daily ridicule and abuse. Rejected and alone, Precious creates an escape, a place where she retreats from the horror. She counteracts the cruelty by imagining herself beautiful and adored. In her review of the film, Karen Durbin writes, “We all have fantasies, but hers (Precious’s) are indispensable; triggered by unbearable insults to her psyche, they insulate her from the horror.”

     I love Durbin’s choice of words—“her fantasies insulate her from the horror.” Do you have issues you need to be insulated from?

     Insulation acts as a shield, a padding, a protection. Insulation can create a refuge. Listen to this definition of refuge from Webster’s 1913 Dictionary: “That which shelters or protects from danger, or from distress or calamity; a stronghold which protects by its strength, or a sanctuary which secures safety by its sacredness; a place inaccessible to an enemy.”

     As I learned to apply truth from the Word of God to my injured soul, the truth acted as insulation to my wounds. I found myself shielded from my husband’s insults and accusations. After ten years, my marriage dissolved, but I had grown stronger. I relied more on what God said about me and less on the opinions of others. I haven’t seen the film yet, but it sounds like Precious learned to do the same. She tore down and demolished vain imaginations (something that defied the truth about her) and choose to imagine a better truth, despite whether or not she could actually see it yet.

     Before I learned to use the truth as an ointment, fantasizing held negative connotations for me. I thought exercising my imagination was a futile exercise—something dreamers do. But today I see evidence in scripture to support the use of our imagination. As long as what we imagine agrees with God’s truth, the outcome can only benefit us. What would be Precious’s option? If she agreed with her abusers insults, she would become the trash heap they predicted. Their words would define her.

     The book of Matthew acknowledges this truth: Whenever two or more on earth agree, so shall it be (Matt 18:19). I usually quote this scripture to “seal the deal” on prayer requests, but when I agree with careless words, I find the “two or more, so shall it be” clause still applies. The repeated lies of the enemy become deeply embedded doubts that are difficult to erase.

     Consider this proverb: As a woman thinks in her heart, so shall she be (Prov 23:7). When insults surround you, remember—your imagination is a powerful resource. You are created in the image of God. He is the lover of your soul. You are the apple of His eye and He sings over you. Are you precious or what?

 

Prayer: When life get hard, when insults hurt, when untruth surrounds me, let me embrace Your truth. Let me run to You as my stronghold. Show me how to redirect my thoughts and renew my mind. Help me to purpose in my heart that I will agree with what Your word says about me. I know You love me and I want to love myself. Help me to recognize that I am created in your image and see myself as Your beautiful creation. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

 

Scriptures to Ponder:

• Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Rom 12:2).
• Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1).
• We live by faith, not by sight (2 Cor 5:7).
• Who is like the wise man? Who knows the explanation of things? Wisdom brightens a man's face and changes its hard appearance (Ecc 8:1).
• We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Cor 10:5).

 

Questions to Ponder:

1. Do you think vain imaginations and careless declarations can mold your destiny?
2. Where do you run when life gets hard?
3. Have you ever imagined a better life? If so, what happened to your attitude? Did you notice a difference in your countenance and spirit?
4. What do you think is the difference between fantasy and imagination?
5. What do you think Paul means in Romans 12:2 when he encourages us to renew our mind? How do you renew your mind?
6. Read 2 Cor 10:5 above. What do you think this scripture means?
7. Do you meditate on scriptures to transform your thinking? If so, what are your favorites?

   

He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him (Ps 91:15). 

 

If you’ve ever been a teacher’s pet, you may have noticed—the only one who likes you…is the teacher. Kids probably made fun of you behind your back. They may have even plotted your assassination on the playground. The book of Genesis tells a story about Joseph, the favorite son of his father. His father gave him a coat of many colors, a distinguishing gift that set him apart. Joseph wore it proudly like a letterman’s jacket.

 

     When he was 17, Joseph had a dream that he and his brothers were binding sheaves of grain when suddenly his sheaf rose up and the others gathered around his and bowed down. He shared his dream with his brothers.

 

     Big mistake.

 

     His brothers weren’t so fond of his vision. In fact, they despised him so much they plotted his death. Instead, they sold him to Egyptian slave traders and stole his coat.

 

     The richly ornamented robe given to him by his father represented Joseph’s status, his future and his destiny. And now, not only was Joseph a victim of attempted murder and human trafficking, a reject plucked from his home and family, but his identity was stolen as well.

 

     Most people would want to give up. Many would be angry with God. Others would withdraw, abandon hope and give up on their dreams—but not Joseph. He waited on the Lord and God caused favor to rest on him. He was placed in Potiphar’s house, one of Pharaoh’s officials, as an overseer. The Lord was with Joseph and he prospered (Gen 39:2).

 

     Even in bondage, God’s hand was upon Joseph.

 

     But again, someone tried to strip him of his honor. When Joseph refused the sexual advances of Potiphar’s wife, she stole his robe and accused him of rape.

 

     What is it about Joseph and his robe? Now he’s a two-time loser. His robe was stolen twice and both times, false accusations were made against him. His brothers lied to his father, “Dad, here’s Joseph’s coat. He’s been eaten by a wild animal.” Potiphar’s wife lied to her husband, “That slave you brought in here tried to rape me.” Both used his garment to prove his guilt. The very thing God used to set Joseph apart was the very thing others scorned.

 

     Next, Joseph was thrown in prison. His problems were just beginning but his issues didn’t take him down. Joseph prospered even in prison. The Bible says that the Lord was with Joseph (Gen 39:23).

 

     I believe God gave Joseph a dream when he was a young man to motivate his endurance. 13 years of hardship needed a vision.

 

     At 17, Joseph was not ready to lead. God knew the road ahead and He knew Joseph would need some reassurance that adversity was preparing him for his future. Joseph was the favorite but that didn’t make him qualified. Endurance would qualify him.

 

     Joseph’s dream empowered his resolve.

 

     When adversity encountered vision, Joseph was determined to wait.

 

     When his dream was delayed, Joseph served to the best of his ability.

 

     When adversity lingered, perseverance formed his character.

 

     You may not be in prison, but the Lord is with you, too. God is with you when you are suffering. He is with you when your children stray or when your husband walks out. God is with you when your job is threatened or you lose someone you love. He is with you in the middle of pain or when you get a bad report from the doctor. God is with you when you endure false accusations, trials and adversity.

 

     Thankfully, there is an end to our suffering (1Pet 1:6-7). Joseph’s hardship finally halted when Pharaoh recognized Joseph’s wisdom. He was released from prison and in the matter of one day, Joseph’s destiny changed forever. Pharaoh dressed him in a robe of fine linen and put a gold chain around his neck (Gen 41:42). Joseph rode in a chariot as second-in-command and men shouted before him, “Make way!”

 

     In one day, Joseph went from prison to power. In one day, he went from a convict to a commander, second in charge in Egypt. And in one day, Joseph got his robe back.

 

     Has your robe been stolen? Has someone trampled on your destiny and tried to squelch your future? No one can steal a dream from God. Joseph got his robe back....and so will you!

 

 

Prayer:  Lord, help me keep my eyes fixed on Your promise for my future and destiny. When my vision gets distorted by the issues of life, help me redirect my focus. I thank you that you have my end planned from the beginning and that the plans You have for my life shall prevail. I praise You now for the victory! In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

Scriptures to Ponder:

 

• Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything (James 1:2-4).

 

• Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance (Rom 5:3).    

 

• And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance (Gen 45:5, 7).

 

• …for I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow (Jer 31:13b).

   

• Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord (Psalm 27:14).

 

 

Questions to Ponder:

 

1.      Joseph’s life started out grand. It was going to end grand. It was the middle that gave him the most trouble. For a mid life crisis, it was a bit premature and it seemed to linger a lot longer than normal. Can you relate? Have you ever endured a season of long suffering?

 

2.      Read James 1:2-4 and Romans 5:3 listed above. What do these verses say about longsuffering?

 

3.      Read Gen 45 verses 5 & 7 above. Why do you think Joseph was able to say this to the brothers who betrayed him when they came to Egypt after he was positioned to bring the country out of famine?

 

4.      Joseph had a dream when he was 17. It didn’t become a reality until 22 years later. That’s a long time to wait on a dream! Right after he shared his dream his brothers sold him for 20 shekels. (Hmm. Jesus went for 30 gold coins. I guess they even had inflation in Bible times.) Joseph was falsely accused of rape, and forgotten about in prison, but God restored Joseph’s life. How does Joseph’s story give you hope for your own hopes and dreams?

The following selection appeared in Chicken Soup for the Soul's most recent release, Tough Times, Tough People. Hope is a Choice was inspired by a Katrina evacuee that I met over the phone. I hope you are inspired by her endurance and faith as much as I am.

Prayer: Dear Lord, when the storms of life rage all around me, help me to remember that You are able to keep me afloat. No matter what the circumstances, You promise to work all things for my good. I pray that I will always make the choice to put my hope in You. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Scriptures to Ponder:

1. You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word (Psalm 119:114).
2. Sustain me according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed (Psalm 119:116).
3. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God (Psalm 43:5).
4. Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD (Psalm 31:24).
5. There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off (Proverbs 23:18).

Questions to Ponder:

1. Which scripture above is most encouraging to you? Why?
2. What has been your most difficult challenge lately?
   1. Health
   2. Relationships
   3. Finances
   4. Spiritual and Emotional Issues
   5. Other
3. How would you rate your forcast of hope?
   1. Sunny
   2. Mostly sunny
   3. Partly Cloudy
   4. Overcast
   5. 100% chance of rain
4. How has the Lord been faithful to you in the past when you faced a difficult situation?
5. How can you apply his past faithfulness to your future restoration?