Are you addicted to love? Have you settled for an unhealthy relationship even though you know better? Do you hop from one unhealthy relationship to another? You might be a love junkie.

As tempted as I am to do my own “love junkie” rendition of Jeff Foxworthy’s humorous slur, You Might be a Redneck, I’ll resist. At least for now...
I’m trying to be serious.

Love junkies are women who are addicted to unhealthy relationships. They often choose the same type of man over and over again, all the while knowing these men are wrong for them. They are not lacking in head knowledge about the unhealthy nature of their relationships, yet they are somehow unable to say no.  Compelled by an invisible magnet drawing them back to the same familiar pain, they allow these repeat offenders to take advantage of their emotions and their bodies, they allow them to manipulate them and take advantage of their generous and often times, overly-responsible natures.

Sometimes, love junkies even go as far as to permit men to bleed them dry financially while they hold down a job, take care of the children, manage the household, pay the bills, drive the kids to their dance lessons, soccer games, school activities, dentist and doctor appointments, repair the fence and the car, call the repairman for this, that and the other, bandage the kids and the dog, do the laundry and grocery shopping. Whew, I’m getting tired just making this list. They allow men to belittle them and emotionally abuse them. They settle for less than what they desire.

Love junkies understand and even acknowledge that these men are wrong for them, but instead of walking away, they justify and minimize their behavior in order to excuse and validate the chaos.

They trade sex for affection.

They jump through hoops for approval.

They wear themselves thin for affirmation.

Affection, approval, and affirmation are legitimate needs. You deserve to have a healthy relationship and marriage with a man who is healthy enough in his soul to provide these. You may have given up hope, but I promise you…there is a perfect man out there just for you and I’d love to introduce you to him.

He’s not on eHarmony, Match.com or Facebook, but I can hook you up. He always answers when you call and he is a great listener. He never ceases to work and will supply all your needs. He’ll never reject you or break your heart. He cares about your every need. He is full of passion and wonder and he’ll never leave you or disappoint you.

His name is Jesus.  You’ve probably heard about Jesus before—he does have a way of getting around. But “knowing about” him is not the same as knowing him. Knowing about Jesus is like having a virtual friendship with someone online you’ve never met in person, but Jesus is looking for a serious and intimate personal relationship. I can promise you one thing: A relationship with him won’t disappoint you. If you’ve never been personally introduced to Jesus before, allow me the honor.

Meeting Jesus is easy. You don’t have to fix your hair or get a new outfit. Women have met him at their worst. He doesn’t care if you have black rivers of mascara running down your face or snot dripping down your nose. He doesn’t care about your past, what you’ve done or how you look. You don’t have to lose ten pounds to impress him. I promise he will love you just as you are. He can’t see your faults. In fact, he already thinks you’re perfect and he’s fallen madly in love with you. He’s been waiting for you all of your life. He is love and his love endures forever.

All you have to do is invite him into your heart. Sound too good to be true? The Bible says in Romans 10:13, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

Why is a relationship with Christ so important? First, the Bible says that eternal life can only be found through him. (John 3:3) Secondly, a relationship with a human being will always be incomplete unless your heart has been surrendered to a heavenly being. Jesus is the only man who can legitimately provide the affection, approval and affirmation you are looking for.

You see, if you ever do find and capture the illusive Mr. Wonderful, no matter how wonderful he is, he is not perfect. Eventually, Mr. Wonderful will disappoint you. But Jesus is both wonderful and perfect.

Jesus healed this love-junkie’s heart. Would you like him to heal yours? I guarantee you’ll never be the same again. He’ll forgive your past and make you into a new creation. He’ll wipe away the hurt and pain and give you a brand new life.  If you want to spend eternity with the perfect man, invite Jesus to invade your heart. He won’t turn you down. All you have to do is ask. I’ll even give you the words. Just say this prayer:

Dear Jesus, I admit I’ve tried to manage my life on my own and it’s gotten me nowhere. I want to surrender my life to you. Please come into my heart. Forgive me of all of my sins and shortcomings. Empower me with your love and grace. Wipe away my past and make my life brand new. Thank you for loving me and saving me. I’m ready to begin my life with you. Please heal my hurts and take away my sorrow. Show me your ways. Illuminate my path. I trust that you have good plans for me. It’s in your name, the powerful name of Jesus, that I pray. Amen.

If you prayed this prayer for the first time or prayed it again to recommit your life to him, please post or click here and let me know. I’d love to rejoice with you and give you a personal word of encouragement to begin your new life with him!

Have you ever felt like your romantic relationships had a lot in common with the baggage claim at the airport--a constant rotation of luggage loaded down with dirty laundry?  As soon as one bag gets off, another appears. All seem to look good on the outside, but inside they’re loaded down with stinky issues.

I used to have a matching set! And just like the never-ending spiral of bags at the baggage claim, some of the unclaimed bags kept reappearing, just begging me to take them home.

I used to wonder why I was so unlucky at love. It took a long time for me to realize that the problem was not the baggage I chose…it was me! My own issues made me a magnet for losers.

How can you avoid unnecessary heart ache? How can you tell what is on the inside of the people you date?

After many heartaches and epic failures I learned that the best way to avoid relationship disasters is to take a look at my own soul-health. Why is it so important to look at ourselves? It’s simple: We attract who we are.

Experts say that we gravitate towards friends and relationships within a ten point spread of our IQ. We are more naturally comfortable around those with whom we can intellectually relate. Likewise, in the realm of soul-health, we also attract those with whom we are most emotionally compatible. 

Putting it another way, baggage attracts baggage. Ouch! So if you're tired of hanging out at the baggage claim, it’s time to take a look at your own soul-health. No matter how healthy you are, there’s always room for improvement. And finally, if you are looking for a life partner, it’s imperative that you assess your soul health. The health of your marriage will never exceed the health of the least healthy partner. That's why it's so important to become who you want!

The following quiz is designed to help you analyze your strengths and weaknesses in your soul. We do heart checks to evaluate the health of our heart. We conduct credit checks to see how we can improve our credit score. We go to the doctor for physicals to get a better grip on how healthy we are physically. It’s time we find a way to seriously evaluate the condition of our soul. Unhealthy people attract unhealthy friends and relationships, but healthy people attract healthy friends and mates.

As you take this test, remember, this is only for your own evaluation. Don’t get down on yourself if your scores are less than you think they should be. This is a snapshot of where you are now. God can’t heal what we don’t reveal, but growth and healing comes when we identify our weaknesses and create a plan of improvement.

If you are interested in learning more, attend our next session of The 7 Must Haves of Soul-healthy Singles beginning in January 2011 at Victory Church in Oklahoma City. If you’d like to see your singles ministry offer a conference, John and Christy would be happy to talk to you or your singles pastor. Contact us at christy@christyjohnson.org.    

Course Overview

Whether you are happily single or praying for a mate, it is vital to eliminate toxic behaviors that threaten your peace and steal your joy. In The 7 Must Haves of Soul-healthy Singles, you’ll take a soul assessment to measure the health of your soul, set goals to eliminate excess baggage and learn strategic behaviors to improve your soul-health. Based on the acronym, “IF-I-PRAY,” these seven must have habits are:  

 







What other singles are saying about The 7 Must Haves of Soul-healthy Singles:

An Absolutely Beneficial Class!!!  Christy and John make this class worth taking.  Definitely look forward to taking it again in February!!!  Amanda

This class brought a ton of questions to my mind that I would have never thought of - if I was just going about a normal day or my church routine. The class had a fresh feel and not the typical stuffiness that can sometimes be associated with religion. John and Christy are a definite: MUST ATTEND and LISTEN to couple! Tom

This class provided me with the tools to overcome hang-ups and set-backs that have been a constant struggle.  I still have to execute them myself, but I now have a path to follow that I know is God-breathed. Ashley

This class was very helpful and informative.  I really enjoyed it and felt that all the subjects were relevant.  This class teaches you how to be a healthy single person spiritually and prepares you to be the best individual you can be while you’re single as well as for future relationships you might have.  Crystal

Check your soul-health. Take the quiz. 

Years ago, marriage arrangements were supervised, but in our culture it’s common for men and women to jump into relationships and make their own decisions regarding marriage without considering advice from friends and family. As a result, I often receive prayer requests for troubled marriages.  

Marriage is the single most important contract and commitment we will ever make in life. Why enter without the consent and approval of those who know us best? Why risk the most important decision we will ever make to our own intellect?  

Because love is blind. At least according to Shakespeare.  

1 Corinthians 13:4 doesn’t say “love is patient, love is blind,” so I set out to search the scriptures for truths about love’s weaknesses. Is Shakespeare’s slogan grounded in truth or is it merely a romantic notion endorsed to excuse a lack of discernment?

When it came to love, Samson was blind…literally. But not at first. It took awhile for him to go completely blind. His first mistake was discounting the advice of his parents, but ultimately he failed in the marriage department because he was easily manipulated. Physically, Samson was the strongest man alive, and yet, in his soul he was weak and vulnerable. First he marries a Philistine lady, bribes his bride with a riddle in exchange for a new wardrobe, goes on a killing spree and then losses his wife to one of his groomsmen. Can’t blame her. Sounds like Samson needed an Anger Management course.

Next he falls in love with Delilah. From day one she begs him to disclose the secret of his strength. At first, Samson humors her with untruths.  Judges 16:16 says, “she pressed him daily with her words and urged him, that his soul was vexed (annoyed) unto death.” Basically she nagged him until he finally gave in. Her pleas were so persistent that the incredible hulk was defeated by a woman’s persistent words.

Delilah means feeble. Interesting…that’s what Samson became. He lost his self-restraint. He let whatever guard he had over his heart completely evaporate. Consider James 1:14. “Every man is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust and enticed.” 

Enticed comes from the Greek word, exelkō, which means to draw out. It is used as a metaphor to describe how game is lured out of safety by hunters and fishers. Likewise, men and women are lured from the safety of self-restraint by seductive words.

Words are hard to resist, especially in romance. Charm can be deceitful (Proverbs 31:30). We are most vulnerable when we are not surrounded by the safety that a wise counsel of friends provides.   

The old saying, “Love is blind,” really means that our discernment can be easily compromised in romantic relationships, but the way Shakespeare puts it makes it sound romantic. Being blindsided in romance is a dangerous place to be.  

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Have you or someone else been blindsided by love? What caused your discernment to be compromised? At what point would you say Samson’s discernment was compromised?

When I speak to singles groups, the question I hear more than any other question is, “How did you know John was the one?” 

Before we were married, like most other singles, I had my “list”. I knew what I wanted. I wanted someone older, sophisticated and well established and although John was nice, he didn’t have any of those qualities. He was younger, goofy and still in college—the exact opposite of what I was looking for. Left to my own romantic discernment, I would have overlooked John. But thank goodness, God knew my list was defective. My discernment was compromised. My picker was busted: I picked the wrong man every time.   

It was a Wednesday evening after work on January 28, 1998. John had driven up from Lawton after his classes since I had invited him for dinner. With three small children, going out to eat was a rare occurrence. After dessert, we plopped down on the worn blue sofa in my TV room when John asked, “Do you mind if I pray?” To this day, I don’t even remember what his prayer was about, but what happened next, I’ll never forget:  

An overwhelming presence of peace engulfed me and I felt my heart, not my physical heart, but the heart of my soul, being knit together with John. I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s the only way I can describe the supernatural experience that took place. I say “supernatural” because in the natural, I wouldn’t have picked John. He wasn’t my type.  

But here’s the deal: I never had much success in the relationship department.  God knew that without a divine revelation I would go back to devastation. 

The next morning I marched in the office and announced to my single coworker, Julie, “I’m going to marry John.” He hadn’t even proposed yet, but I knew. I knew John was God’s pick, not Christy’s pick. I knew John was a divine hook up, a heavenly match—not a good choice, but a God choice.

Later when conflicts arose in our relationship, it was this revelation that brought back peace. When tensions threaten my peace, if I run back to my heavenly Father for a fill up, my supply of strength and peace will never run out.

How about you? What revelations about relationships have helped you maintain your peace?

If you’re married, how would you encourage a single woman who asks the age old question, “How did you know he was the one?”

Dater's Ed