Did you know bitterness is a poison? Bitterness not only affects our emotions, but left untreated, the toxins produced by bitterness eventually seep into our body as well. Resentment can cause all kinds of physical ailments.

In her book, Who Switched Off My Brain? Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions, Dr. Carolyn Leaf reports, “A massive body of research shows that up to 80% of physical, emotional, and mental health issues today could be a direct result of our thought lives. Resentment, bitterness, lack of forgiveness and self-hatred are just a few of the toxic thoughts and emotions that can also trigger immune system disorders.”

The grasp of bitterness is deceptive. Have you ever hung onto a grudge because you wanted to punish the other person only to notice that you were the only one who suffered? If so, maybe you can relate to the expression, “Bitterness is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die.”

Even when we know how destructive bitterness can be, it is difficult to release because it goes against our sin nature. We want to be in charge. We want to dole out the consequences. But no matter how much we want vengeance, Deuteronomy 29:18 warns us: Make sure there is no root among you that produces such bitter poison.

Just like the habit of hanging onto resentment, releasing forgiveness is a decision and reaction. It’s a choice. And the more we practice forgiveness, the easier it gets to tear down the walls of bitterness. Here are my 4 secret weapons I use to prevent bitterness.

1.    Trust God

Before forgiveness can come out of us, it has to be birthed inside of us through a relationship of trust. Forgiveness is a quality we develop before an offense arises. Forgiveness is actually more proactive than reactive. Let me explain it by using electricity as an example.  

If I install electrical wiring in my house and wire a lamp to the ceiling, when I need light, all I do is flip the light switch and suddenly, there is light. But if I never took the time to install electrical wiring and a fixture, nothing would happen when I flip the switch. I could flip the switch all day long and remain in the dark. In order for forgiveness to be a reactive habit or reflex, just like electrical wiring, wiring and fixtures need to be installed. I needed to have a relationship of trust installed into my soul before I can forgive.

So how do we get this kind of “forgiveness wiring”? A person with a willingness to forgive releases control of the situation and surrenders the situation to God by saying, God I trust that you will work this situation out. I trust that you can handle the outcome. A person who is unwilling to forgive thinks thoughts like, I want to handle the punishment. I want to control the outcome. I think my wrath is necessary.

2.   Eliminate Expectations

Four words sums up this principle: Get rid of them! Expectations are a set up for bitterness. Each time our expectations are not met, disappointment sets in, and when disappointment gets rooted in our soul, the climate for bitterness is ripe.

Ultimately, the only person we can change is ourselves. Expecting others to perform according to our standards not only puts us in the judgment seat, it also makes us vulnerable to bitterness. We can spend our lives trying to change others, but the only person we can change is ourselves.

3.   Guard your heart

I have a scripture that is my secret weapon to walking in peace and staying free of bitterness. If you implement this one scripture I can almost guarantee that you will eliminate at least half of the issues you ever deal with.

Proverbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart for out of it flow the issues of life.” The Bible refers to the process of setting boundaries as putting a guard on our heart. This is one of the best boundaries verse in the Bible and I hope that you noticed who is responsible for putting the guard in place—we are!

Guarding our heart is like buying an insurance policy against bitterness because when we guard our heart, we help protect ourselves against toxic emotions. Guarding our heart and learning how to set boundaries can help us avoid the trap of bitterness more than any other anger management technique.

Identify areas in your life that trigger your anger and then put guards in place to protect those areas. Be cautious around people who trigger your anger. Avoid them if possible. Anger in itself is not a sin, but unresolved anger that turns into bitterness is a sin.

Guarding my heart put me in a position where I could trust God because I wasn’t constantly bombarded with bitterness. Before I understood this scripture, I was a “yes” woman. I thought saying “yes” to everything was the spiritual thing to do, so I did everything everyone wanted me to do, even when it made me angry. It took a long time before I figured out that if something makes me angry, I had no business doing it if it caused me to end up dealing with the resulting sin of bitterness. I had to learn to say “no” to guard my heart.

4.   Take the grace

2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace is sufficient for you.” But here’s the catch: He gives us the grace to endure and the strength to overcome when we need it, not before. I can’t tell you how many people have told me, “I don’t think I could ever forgive someone for being responsible for the death of one of my children. Well, here’s the deal. Unless, it happens to you—you’re right. You can’t. God doesn’t distribute his grace until the moment of need. He doesn’t give it out early. He gives it out when we need it. The grace for your situation will be different that the grace I need for my situation.

Grace is like anesthesia. How many of you would ever get anesthesia if you were not having surgery? None of you! Only those scheduled for surgery get anesthesia. Anesthesia gives us the natural tolerance to endure physical pain. Grace gives us the supernatural tolerance to endure soul pain.

An anesthesiologist stays by you during the entire operation and watches over you to modify the anesthesia if your tolerance to pain diminishes. In the same way, God watches over you to make sure the pain is not more than what you can bear (1 Cor 10:13).

Still, many people want to be strong by themselves and think they can make it without God’s grace. But if our strength doesn’t come from the Lord, it will not sustain us through our pain. So don’t forsake His strength. Take the grace!

One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus' feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan (Luke 17:15-16).

I used to admire the young girls in my church raised by Godly parents who affirmed them and brought them up in peaceful environments. I saw the edge they had on life as they left home for college, free from the strife of disfunction and chaos. Okay, maybe “admire” is not really the right word. Jealousy is a more accurate description of what I felt. Truth is, I wanted what they had because growing up, I felt like a loser.

As I compared my life with these young women, I often caught myself wondering, How would I would be different today if I were raised in a functional Godly family? Would I have spent two decades of my life uncovering the debris of abuse and the effects of my resulting sin?

Apparently God was concerned about my lack of understanding. “Whatever I’ve allowed in your life, Christy, I meant it for good. Adversity played a role in making you who you are today. Being made whole is better than just being clean.”

That’s sounds like the story of the ten lepers.  

In chapter 17, Luke tells the fate of ten “losers” who sat far off on the edge of town. They were the rejects, the cast-aways, the forgotten of society. Evicted from their loved-ones and communities, their contagious disease was so shameful they were forced to live in seclusion. No one had hope for their recovery, but one day they saw Jesus coming. They had heard about this man and how he healed people. “Maybe he can deliver us,” they said.  As he walked by them on the road, they cried out, “Jesus, have mercy on us.”

And he did. But look at what he tells them. “Go show yourselves to the priest.” He didn’t heal them right there on the spot. He didn’t even say he was going to heal them. He simply told them to go. They didn’t have to go. They could have just sat there in the dust and refused to budge until they saw they were changed. They could have complained and lingered in leprosy. But Jesus wanted them to take action. Without effort and participation, their faith would be worthless. It took some trust for them to go to the priest before they saw evidence of any reason to go. But check this out:

As they went, they were cleansed.

I can imagine the joy they must have felt as they ran back to their families and communities. They were cleansed from a disease that made them life-long members of the Lonely Hearts Club. But now, loved-ones embraced them in marvel and astonishment. Rejoicing surrounded them wherever they went. Celebrations were held. It was time to par-tae!

But One had something else on his mind. One went back to Jesus.  

When Jesus saw One, who by the way was a Samaritan—a foreigner, an outcast of the outcasts—he was surprised. He had something else he wanted to give All. He wanted to make All whole. “One, where are the other nine?” he questioned. “Where are the others I healed?” Jesus was saddened that only a foreigner had returned to give him glory. Nonetheless, Jesus told One, “Your faith has made you whole.”

To be made “whole” comes from the Greek word, sozo, which not only means to restore to health, but also means to preserve one who is in danger of destruction—to save in the technical biblical sense. When One came back to Jesus, he got much more than just having his body restored; he also received a covenant relationship with Christ and salvation for his soul!

Let’s look at the distinction between what the other nine received and what One received. Luke says nine were “cleansed.” Cleansed comes from the Greek word, katharizō, which means to make clean from physical stains, to cure, to purify from wickedness. Katharizo implies the type of cleansing that must be repeated. It’s the same word used in Matthew 23:25 when Jesus rebukes the Pharisees for only cleaning the outside of the platter but leaving the inside dirty. This type of cleansing heals the flesh, but doesn’t save our soul.

For several years, One was considered unclean. His uncleanliness drove him away from society and forced him to live on the edge of town. Ironically, the very issue he and his culture despised was the very thing that drove One to Christ. Without a desperation for deliverance, would he have seen his need for Jesus?

The story of the ten “losers” makes me realize Jesus has something more he wants to give those who live on the outskirts of town. The other nine didn’t realize—their external issues may have been cleansed, but without an inner healing, the leprosy would also rot their soul.

My opinion about my issues and the way I was raised has changed. Now when I’m tempted to think about how my life could have been, I’ll contemplate the truth: If adversity played a role in making One who God intended him to be, then living on the edge of town was exactly where I was destined to live. God intends our issues for good. If I grew up in a perfect environment, I may never have felt the need for Jesus. But just like One, Christ has brought purpose to my issues, and now…I’m better whole than just plain clean.

 

Prayer:

Dear Jesus, forgive me for the times I’ve compared my life and my circumstances with others. You are the One who makes All things new. So today, I thank you for my life and the adversity that drives me to You. You are so able to bring beauty out of the ashes of my life. Thank you for healing me inside and out! In Your name I pray, Amen.

Scriptures to Ponder:

• She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save (sozo, be made whole) his people from their sins (Matthew 1:21).
• Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, "If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed (sozo, be made whole)" (Matthew 9:20-21).
• And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved (sozo, to be made whole) (Acts 2:21).
• And the Lord shall deliver me from every evil work, and will preserve (sozo, to be made whole) me unto his heavenly kingdom: to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen (2 Timothy 4:18).

Questions to Ponder:

1. Glance at the scriptures above. Using a variety of  English words such as “save,” “healed,” “saved” and “preserve,” all verses reference the Greek word, sozo, which means to “be made whole”. What insight does this bring?  
2. Based on what you’ve read, what do you think is the difference between being made clean and being made whole?
3. Why do you think the other nine lepers failed to return to say thank you and give glory to God?
4. Have you ever been spared from an issue or circumstances only to have the emotional remains rot your soul? What happened?
5. Have you ever felt like an outcast or a reject, locked in a leprous situation—hopeless circumstances that only Jesus could redeem? If so, what finally drove you to Christ?
6. The story of the ten lepers makes me wonder how many times I’ve forfeited a blessing by being a “no-show,” failing to return to say thank you. Instead of being made whole, I settled for half. Has Christ ever done something marvelous in your life and you failed to offer thanks? If so, what are some ways you can return now and give him glory?

It is for freedom that Christ set you free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourself be burdened again with the yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1).

 

“Hey, Mom! D’ya miss me?” Garrett said as he swung open the door and dropped his bags on the floor. 

“Of course I did! Did you miss me?” I asked my lanky seventeen-year-old wearing the same clothes he left home in.

“Yes, Mommy,” grinned Garrett. “Give me a hug.”

The kids at our church had just returned from a two-day youth conference in Arkansas. I wondered how much of the gospel Garrett would absorb after a three-hour tour on a bus loaded with 50 teenagers and enough sugar to feed the multitude. “Tell me about the conference,” I said as I motioned Garrett to sit down.

“The speaker was really funny,” Garrett began. “He started out by introducing himself as a mannequin. Before he came onstage, all you saw was this mannequin dressed like him, wearing a t-shirt with refrigerator magnets on it that spelled, I have issues.

“Yeah…don’t we all?”

“Then offstage we heard this voice speak for the mannequin, “Sorry, guys. I’m a little stiff today. It’s hard to move. Apparently…I’m allergic to Botox.”

 “That’s funny,” I said. “I may have to use that someday.” It doesn’t get more spiritual than that, I thought. This is what I sent my son to a conference for?

“He talked a lot about the issues youth deal with, but when he was finishing, he took the magnet letters on the mannequin’s t-shirt and changed them around. He said we can’t be free until we remove our flesh from our issues.”

“That’s so true.”

“So, he took the two i’s out of the words on the mannequin’s shirt. And then he changed the remaining letters to spell He saves us.

Garrett saw my face was still processing the visual.

“Get it, Mom…The i’s represent our flesh. When he took those out, I have issues changed into He saves us.”

“Oh, that’s awesome.”

“It was pretty cool. He also talked about how God can’t use us until we remove the i out of other issues like sin, pride and idolatry.”

Issues…As if I needed another reminder! God had been dealing with me all week about some of my own stubborn inclinations. Who knew that my son would come home from a youth trip and initiate a review?

I had been reading in Exodus about how God delivered the Israelites from the bondage of the Egyptians. After they crossed the Red Sea, God urged them, “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:2-3). Over and over in scripture, God warned his people about returning to captivity.

God is still warning me today about returning to my own Egypts. He knows how easy it is to go back to bondage even after I’ve been set free. It seems as soon as I surrender an issue or idol to God, the familiarity and false comfort taunts my chance at freedom and beckons me back, and my stubborn feet want to retrace the worn path back to captivity.

In Hebrew, Egypt means “double straits.” (Sounds more like double trouble to me.) The root to this name means “pressed in.” In the physical sense, a strait is a narrow pass or passage, a tight squeeze. Figuratively, a strait is a place of great distress, oppression, anguish and difficulty.

Have you ever been in an Egypt—a deep valley with steep sides where the walls press in, a place where the enemy surrounds you and it feels like there’s no escape? Often when we’re trapped, we think God has abandoned us, but consider this: Sometimes, what we think is an ambush is a divine design. God wants to be our only hope! Why do I think so? It’s a Biblical pattern. He did it with Gideon in his fight against the Midianites (Judges 7), He did it with Joshua at the battle of Jericho (Joshua 6), and He did it with the Israelites.

When the Israelites left Egypt, God didn’t lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was the shorter more obvious route. He was afraid if they faced war or difficulties, they would turn back (Exodus 13:17-18). Once they were out of harm’s way, however, the plan switched and God changed their route. He made them turn back and redirected them so their enemy would think they were wandering around in confusion and were hemmed in by the desert. The trouble was, the Israelites thought the same thing.

I think God still uses the same plan to help us escape our own bondages. At first, He takes us along the peaceful route where the absence of conflict gives us courage to continue. But He knows: In order to gain our freedom, we have to go through the strait places, not around them.

That’s when God reroutes us. He wants to be our “pillar of cloud” to direct our days; He wants to be our “pillar of fire” at night (Exodus 13:21). He wants to be the only option for deliverance, so He takes us along a path where even we may think we are wandering around in confusion and hemmed in by our own deserts. That’s exactly where God wants us—in a place where we are trapped with no choice but to trust Him. 

But here’s the deal: When things look the worst, our deliverance is the closest.  

This is when we have to focus on His faithfulness. When we’re cornered by adversity, it’s so tempting to go back to our Egypts, but God wants to save us. When our freedom is just around the bend, we often feel more hopeless than ever, but just like He did for Gideon, Joshua and the nation of Israel, He has come to rescue us and set us free.

I admit, I still struggle with issues. As long as I live in this earth suit, I’ll have to surrender myself to Christ daily. But the mannequin at the youth conference is right. When we submit every trace of our flesh to Him, He takes our issues and removes our I’s. He is the message changer. He takes our I-have-issues and gives us a proclamation of hope:

HE SAVES US!

 

Prayer: May we always look to You for our deliverance and freedom. When we are strangled by the issues of life and feel like there is no hope, let us look to You for our hope. You are faithful to save us and when You do, may Your name be glorified in our lives to give others hope for their own freedom! In Christ’s name, I pray. Amen.

 

Scriptures to Ponder:

• Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again (Exodus 13:14).
• A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save (Psalm 33:17).
• It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1).
• I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts (Psalm 119:45).

Questions to Ponder:

• Read Exodus 13:14 above. What “Egyptians” or difficult issues have you dealt with in your own life? What strait places did you have to go through to get to your freedom?

• Psalm 33:17 says that sometimes we trust in things to save us. What have you used to try to save you before you looked to God?
• There are many cities in Egypt. Some are suitable for day trips and others deceive us into prolonged captivity. With the lure of a luxurious escape to a vacation destination, we often visit the cities of Bitterness, Revenge, Pride, Jealousy, Sexual Impurity, Entitlement, Arrogance, Abortion, Criticism, Hatred, Divorce, Addiction, Rage, Slander and others. What cities have been the most difficult for you to escape? 
• How do stories of great deliverance in the Bible give you hope for your own deliverance?
• After you’ve been set free, have you ever returned to a former bondage (Gal 5:1)? If so, how can you prevent that yoke of slavery from returning again? If you have not returned,  how can you encourage someone else to walk in continued freedom?

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me (John 10:27).

 

My son Garrett is not a man of many words. Ask him a question and his likely reply is a one-word retort. While multiple-choice inquires are an effective penetration device, drilling information out of my teenage mute is still an intricate process. The well may be full of oil, but it’s way below the surface.

Recently, my husband experienced a similar dialogue with God.  

“Sell everything,” John heard from the Lord one day in prayer.

“Excuse me, Lord. What did you say?”

“Sell everything.”

“Everything? Exactly what does everything entail? Does that mean my vehicles and my house or just have a garage sale?”

Silence.

Apparently, God doesn’t answer multiple choice.

After this divine directive, John waited several months for a confirmation. He wanted God to speak to me so we would be united in purpose. I wish I could say I diligently sought the Lord in prayer. To be honest, I was like a little kid with my fingers in my ears. I didn’t want to hear. I’m rather fond of my things, my house, my car, my furniture. What exactly did everything mean? Truly, I didn’t want to know.  For me, the less I knew, the less accountable I was to obey. But when six months went by and John still felt like the Lord was pressing him to sell everything, the finger-in-the-ear trick no longer worked. I was convicted, so…

I prayed a little.

I heard nothing.

I prayed some more.

I still heard nothing.

Sometimes when God speaks, it doesn’t make sense. Sometimes when God speaks, it’s scary. It’s even worse when we hear absolutely nothing.

“Christy,” John told me one day in July, “I’ve got to obey the Lord. It’s time to put our house on the market.”

On my way to a meeting a couple of days later in the confines of my vehicle, I cried out to the Lord.  I wanted answers and reasons.  “Where are we going, Lord? Why do you want us to sell everything? This doesn’t make sense. And why aren’t you talking to me?”

Finally, I heard the Lord speak. “Christy, the reason you haven’t heard me is because I’ve given my direction to John. All I want you to do is trust that John hears from me.”

My grip on the steering wheel tightened. “I’m not sure I can do that,” I screamed. “Besides, that’s not fair! I can’t even see where I’m going.”

“That doesn’t matter. I’ve given John the vision. Just trust him. Trust him like you did before—like you did on the ice.”

On the ice. I knew exactly what the Lord meant by that chilling statement.

When I met John twelve years ago, he competed as a figure skater. Needless to say, we spent many of our dates at the rink. It was his domain, his territory. Skilled on the ice, he maneuvered at top speed around darting children and wavering adults with precision. Nothing made him flinch. He was king of the rink. I loved skating with John because I always had something to hold onto. So great was my confidence in him that at times I would even skate backwards and close my eyes. As long as my hands were in his, I knew he would never let me fall. Skating backwards with my eyes closed was the most exhilarating feeling of exquisite freedom.

I glanced at my wedding ring. Somewhere in the last ten years, my willingness to follow John had shifted. I wanted to lead. I was afraid his choices would clash with my desires or he’d  steer me in the wrong direction and I’d wind up on a course I didn’t want to be on. I was afraid he’d let me fall. But like I once blindly trusted John, I knew God wanted me to surrender my financial affairs to my husband even though I couldn’t see where we were going.

That day, I made a mind shift. I turned my back on control. It still scares me at times that I can’t see where I’m going, but I’m trusting God has given my husband the skill to navigate through any obstacles that come. Even though the journey may be slippery, as long as I hold on, He won’t let me fall.

It’s not easy but, hand in hand, one graceful stride at a time, I can do this. And maybe…

just maybe…

I’ll even close my eyes.

 

 

Prayer: Lord, I thank you that You are so patient with me. You don’t force Your will on me but wait until I am ready to surrender. You are so loving and kind and I know that You have great plans for me even when I can’t see where You are taking me. Help me to trust You always with every area of my life. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

 

 

Scriptures to Ponder:

• The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you (Gen 12:1).
• O Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant (2 Sam 7:28).
• What he trusts in is fragile ; what he relies on is a spider's web (Job 8:14).
• I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust” (Ps 91:2).
• Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord (Eph 5:22).

 

Questions to Ponder:

• How would you describe your dialogue with God?
  • I’ve got issues. Right now, we’re not really on speaking terms.
  • I’d like to know Him better, but I can’t say that I’ve ever heard Him speak to me.
  • We’re both pretty busy. We don’t talk much.
  • I play Bible Roulette. I open the Bible, point and shoot. That’s my word for the day.
  • I’m a yapper. I do most of the talking.
  • I’m the silent type. I do most of the listening.
  • It’s a give and take. My prayer life is interactive. It’s a two-way exchange where we both talk and share.
• How do you think Abram felt when God told him in Genesis 12:1 to “leave and go?”
• Has God ever told you to “sell everything” or given you direction you felt was insufficient? Have you ever felt like you couldn’t see where you were going? How did you feel?
• Have you ever trusted God when you couldn’t see the road ahead? How did it turn out?
• Read Psalm 91:2 and Ephesians 5:22 above. What do you think the differences are between trust and submission?

The following selection appeared in Chicken Soup for the Soul's most recent release, Tough Times, Tough People. Hope is a Choice was inspired by a Katrina evacuee that I met over the phone. I hope you are inspired by her endurance and faith as much as I am.

Prayer: Dear Lord, when the storms of life rage all around me, help me to remember that You are able to keep me afloat. No matter what the circumstances, You promise to work all things for my good. I pray that I will always make the choice to put my hope in You. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Scriptures to Ponder:

1. You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word (Psalm 119:114).
2. Sustain me according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed (Psalm 119:116).
3. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God (Psalm 43:5).
4. Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD (Psalm 31:24).
5. There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off (Proverbs 23:18).

Questions to Ponder:

1. Which scripture above is most encouraging to you? Why?
2. What has been your most difficult challenge lately?
   1. Health
   2. Relationships
   3. Finances
   4. Spiritual and Emotional Issues
   5. Other
3. How would you rate your forcast of hope?
   1. Sunny
   2. Mostly sunny
   3. Partly Cloudy
   4. Overcast
   5. 100% chance of rain
4. How has the Lord been faithful to you in the past when you faced a difficult situation?
5. How can you apply his past faithfulness to your future restoration?

 

 

 

 

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy (Psalm 30:11).

 

 

The lobby in the funeral home was elegantly furnished with rich marble floors, deep mahogany furnishings and crystal lamps. Exquisite artwork embellished three walls and a mirror the size of Rhode Island adorned the other. With nowhere else to look, I caught a glance of my legs under the table in the waiting room. My right foot danced a silent jitterbug as my left foot bounced up and down underneath it.

 

Finally, the door opened. “Christy. Right this way, please,” the director called as he motioned me to follow.

 

He opened the door to another room and offered his condolences. After I was seated, he gently slid some paperwork across the conference table where we were sitting and asked me to fill out some paperwork. Most of it was retrieved from memory except for the insurance information. I had recently received a form at work in my benefits update that included additional coverage for dependent burial expenses. I was thankful that at least that was one less thing I had to worry about. I told the director that the information was at my office, but since I hadn’t been to work in days, I gave him the number of the human resources manager at Local Oklahoma, the bank where I worked. He advised me he would give her a call and would be right back.

 

After he left, I began visually designing Jake’s memorial program. I already knew what picture I would use for the obituary.

 

The morning of the accident, John, who was my fiancé at the time, came to pick me up for my high school reunion picnic. I just had a roll of film developed and was anxious to show John a picture of Jake that I loved.

 

"Look at this picture of Jake,” I said handing the picture to John.

 

Brittany was sandwiched between Jake and Garrett reading their favorite book, Words of Wisdom for Little Folks, while they looked for the ladybugs hidden throughout the illustrations in the story. Besides being an enchanting snapshot of family unity, the reason I loved this picture so much was because of Jake's smile. Something about that picture pierced my heart.

 

 “Isn't it the cutest picture you have even seen of him?”

 

“Yes, babe. Really cute.”

 

 “He looks like an angel. I’m surprised there’s not a halo over his head.”

 

 “He sure does.” John said fishing for his keys. “It’s ten after ten. We don’t want to be late.”

 

Although I knew my treasured photo of Jake was the obvious choice, I began to mentally struggle with whether or not it was appropriate. It was taken right after bath time and he wasn’t wearing a shirt. I wanted his obituary to minister to those who read it and bring honor to his life.

 

I found myself wishing I had a studio picture of him. I knew he was only a toddler, but he should have clothes on. Maybe if I had it cropped just right, it wouldn’t be noticeable.

 

Eventually, I became aware that the director was taking a little longer than I thought necessary to obtain my insurance information. My fingers stroked back and forth on the textured upholstery fabric of the chair, tingling my fingers.

 

Finally, the door opened again, but something in the director’s stance communicated bad news. “I contacted your employer,” he began. “But your insurance doesn’t cover dependents.”

 

My heart sank to my feet.

 

“I’m sorry. You’ll have to make other arrangements for the funeral expenses.”

 

Other arrangements? How was I going to take care of expenses of that magnitude? I stood in disbelief and shock. Not knowing what else to do, I assured the director that I would take care of it somehow.

 

Outside of the funeral home, I simply threw my hands up in the air and exclaimed, “God, you’re going to have to help me! I can’t do this!”

 

Some prayers God has no choice but to answer immediately. Later that day, the bank president heard about the accident. Filled with concern, he called Human Resources to find out if I had coverage. When the director advised that I did not, his command came without hesitation, “Take care of the funeral expenses.”

 

When she delivered the good news to me, all I could do was cry in amazement. Everything from his plot, grave marker, video for the funeral and custom memorial programs I had made at a local print shop were covered. In addition, my co-workers also took up a collection to take care of other expenses I incurred.  My God supplied all of my needs. He covered me with his wings and under his refuge, I found shelter. 

 

***

When Jake’s obituary was published, he looked absolutely beautiful.

 

The obituary read,

 

Jacob Isaiah, “Jake”, our Forerunner, was ushered into Sierra, “The Presence of God,” on June 13, 1998. Jake’s purpose in life was fulfilled but the testimony of his life will be forever on our lips to proclaim the goodness of God and His loving mercy.

 

I’ll never forget how I felt as I showed John the photo that morning before we left for the picnic, ten minutes after ten. Something about him radiated newness.

 

It wasn’t until after I received the accident report that I understood why his picture pierced my heart so deeply.  The report indicated that the collision occurred at 10:10 am. That’s why his face appeared angelic to me…because at that very moment, he really was wearing a halo. At that moment, the very hand of Jesus extended out of the heavens, and Jake declared, “See ya later guys, I’m outta here!”

 

As I stared at his obituary, my eyes glazed over to the point that everything was a blur. That’s when it hit me. It was acceptable that he was not wearing a shirt. His lack of attire was intentional.

 

He was clothed in joy.

 The fear of the LORD leads to life: Then one rests content, untouched by trouble.

Proverbs 19:23 (NIV)

 

There were 2,000 people crammed into the auditorium, but I was oblivious to anything except the performance on stage. Souled Out, performed by Victory Church’s youth drama team, was a captivating performance. Of course, I was a little biased. I had two children in the production.

 

    Through various skits, the message persuaded others to be “souled out” and completely trust God. I was proud of the youth and marveled at their devotion and concentrated focus that seemed so unusual for their age. They worked relentlessly over the last several months to convey a timely message of God’s faithfulness in the midst of difficulties. When the altar call was given, many went forward to receive salvation or rededicate their lives.

 

    Afterward, my husband and I hosted a party for the cast at our house. It was a delight to see the kids enjoying themselves. After they left, and I the cleanup was finished, I plopped down into my leather wingback chair. Even though it was late, I spent about half an hour in the wee hours of the morning reflecting on the events of the evening. Finally at about 2:00 A.M., I decided I better get to sleep. As I laid my head on my pillow, I heard God gently say, “Trust me.” Somehow, I knew that this was not a soothing reminder of comfort, but rather a warning of impending danger. But I was too tired to be alarmed and soon drifted off to sleep.

 

    Webster’s Dictionary defines trust as a firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing. We wouldn’t need to trust if we never faced challenges beyond our control.

And God had appropriately forewarned me.

 

    About three hours later, my daughter randomly woke up when she thought she heard someone in the kitchen getting a drink of water. As she wandered down the hall, she discovered a shocking surprise and came screaming into our bedroom, “Mom, Dad, the house is flooded!”

 

    The cause: A broken pipe.

 

    The cure: Trust Me.

 

    I wish I had a picture of us sweeping water out of the house! But the cool thing is, amid the chaos, I was amazingly calm. I was untouched by trouble.

 

    We may not be able to control our circumstances, but we can control our responses. Whenever things look messy, remember—you can be untouched by trouble if you determine to trust God. And there might just be a blessing around the corner…I got new floors!

 

Prayer: Lord, when situations appear out of control, help me to remember that you are in charge. I pray that when life’s circumstances appear frightful that I will resolve to rest content, focus on You, and remain untouched by trouble.